Live Like No Tomorrow
by naelany
Summary: Edward and Jasper have always been friends. Follow them as they embark on a journey through serious illness and witness the amazing power of love and the hope it provides. Any such journey is an emotional one so get yourself a fresh box of kleenex.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This story was inspired by the song 'Live Like You Were Dying" by Tim McGraw.**

**It is a story that follows Edward and Jasper on their journey through serious illness while relying on the amazing power of  
love and the hope it provides. Any such journey is an emotional one, so remember to have your Kleenex ready.**

**Thank you, rhenea5018 and SorceressCirce for beta'ing this story.**

**This story will be told from Edward's POV, unless specifically stated otherwise.**

**Oh, and before I forget, the ATDE boys will not be abandoned. They still have a lot to say, but they're willing to share my  
time with other stories. I hope you will, too. ^_~ **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. Apparently, it owns me.**

***************************************************************************************************************************************************************

The ticking of the clock seemed to be drowning out everything. I watched as the pendulum swung back and forth. My eyes were stinging as I watched, unblinking, refusing to acknowledge the tears that were threatening to spill. From the periphery of my vision, I could see the painting that hung directly behind him, but I could not bring myself to focus on it. It would cause me to see his face, and I could not bear seeing the pity that was sure to reside there.

The ticking was growing louder, drowning me, ticking my life away.

"....I'm sorry, Son."

Those three words penetrated the noise from the clock, piercing my heart, devouring my soul.

Time.

I was out of time.

I let out a strangled, solitary sob as I let my head fall into my hands. I felt heavy, numb, sad, angered, and pained, all at once.

Time. What a cruel joke it was. And the joke, it seemed, was on me.

I heard him get up out of his chair and walk to me, but I couldn't bring myself to acknowledge him. It would make this too real. When I felt him put his hand on my shoulder, squeezing it, I reached one hand to put it over his. It was all I was capable of doing in that moment. I knew he'd understand. He'd been through this before with me. He knew I just needed a little time to collect myself. _Ha, time. _I huffed and shook my head.

Pinching the bridge of my nose, I closed my eyes and straightened up in my seat. As I did so, I felt another squeeze of my shoulder before he let go and took the seat next to me, rather than going back to sit behind his desk. I swallowed hard. I had to get myself together. _Break down later. Right now, you need to focus, Edward. _I opened my eyes and turned to look at Carlisle, giving him a small nod to let him know I was okay…for now. He nodded in turn, I could tell he was trying hard to stay in the role of doctor, to not let his emotions cloud what he knew he needed to do.

"So what do we do next, Carlisle? What is there left to try?"

We talked over my options. He had cleared his entire afternoon, so that he could go over treatments, side effects, and other options with me. He was my doctor, but he was also the closest thing to a father I had. Dad had passed away when I was a toddler. Carlisle and Esme had taken care of me after my mom died, as I had no family left. They were my Godparents, Esme had been my mother's best friend since high school, so I went to live with them and Alice, their daughter. My mom had lived to see me beat cancer the first time but had been taken from me shortly thereafter. It seemed now, however, that fate was determined to reunite us. Carlisle continued through the options and would pause every now and then, always knowing when I needed a moment to process things.

_Why did I come here alone? I need..._I let out a long breath as I pinched the bridge of my nose again. I didn't have anyone. No partner, no immediate family. I knew Alice and Esme would both have come with me, but a small part of me had hoped that the tests would come back negative, that it was just something minor that, with a few pills, would just go away. I'd felt that, if they had been here, it would mean admitting it was back. What I wanted, needed, in this moment, was someone who would be with me. I thought of Jasper and sighed. _I won't..not now...._

Carlisle interrupted my thoughts by clearing his throat. He frowned at me.

"Edward. I know that this is a lot to take in. We can discuss this later this week, if you'd like?"

I nodded gratefully. I felt as if my head were spinning from information overload. Time. I needed time. Always time.

He got to his feet and waited for me to do the same. I slowly got up from the chair and stretched. I felt so stiff from sitting for so long. I looked at the clock again. We'd been here for three straight hours, and I realized that I'd scarcely moved a muscle the entire time. I felt his eyes on me as I tried to get some feeling back into my aching limbs. I looked at him. I'm not sure what he found in my eyes, but he grasped both my shoulders firmly. His own eyes were full of warring emotions, and his voice was a little gruff when he spoke.

"You're not alone, Edward. Esme, Alice, and I are here for you, whatever you may need. You've beaten cancer before, Edward. This won't be an easy battle, but please, don't give up without a fight? Don't forget to _live_."

He pulled me into a hug, which I returned fiercely, unable to speak. We stood like this for a while. Slowly, he let me go, and I stepped back. My voice cracked a little as I tried to speak.

"T-thank you, Carlisle. I'll call you in a day or two. I just need a little.... time."

He nodded, and after I told him that he had my leave to tell Alice and Esme about the results, I left. I just wanted to be home.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I wasn't sure how I'd gotten home from the hospital. I probably shouldn't have driven, but I made it back in one piece. I placed my keys on the little table that stood in the hallway and took my shoes off, setting them to the side. I closed the door behind me, locking it as I leaned my forehead against it. I took a deep breath and turned around slowly, muttering under my breath.

"Hi, honey. I'm home...."

No answer. Of course. I lived alone, and had never felt so alone, as I did right now. I glanced around my apartment, taking in the small but comfortable living room, the fireplace with the flat screen above it and the sofa and love seat that were angled so you could enjoy the fireplace and the view out the window simultaneously. Walking over to the windows, I leaned against the frame as I stared out over Seattle. It was twilight. I snorted in disgust. _Twilight_. _How fitting. _

I shook my head as I walked to the bar that separated the kitchen from the dining room. I leaned down to grab a bottle of scotch and a tumbler. I placed both on the surface and stared at them, my hands resting on the side of the bar. I knew I shouldn't be drinking. I hardly ever drank, as a precaution. _Yeah, and look where all your fucking precautions got you. _I scoffed at myself and opened the bottle, pouring two fingers into the glass. I took a deep breath before downing the contents. The amber liquid left my throat burning. I welcomed the fire it sent through me. If I was lucky, numbness and blissful ignorance would soon follow.

I poured another two fingers before deciding to put the bottle away. I knew I shouldn't drink. Carlisle would have my head if I got drunk, even if he would understand why I had done it. I took my glass and walked around my apartment, feeling lost. I ended up standing in the door frame to my bedroom. I stared at my king sized bed.

It was empty.

I _felt_ empty.

I started shaking, and it took me a moment to realize that I had tears running down my face. Wiping furiously at them, I stalked back into the living room and grabbed my phone. I punched in the number without thinking about it. It rang just once before he answered.

"Whitlock residence."

"Jasper...."

I could barely recognize my own voice. I cleared my throat and tried again.

"Jasper, it's Edward."

Again, I walked over to the windows, glass in one hand, the phone in the other. I stared out over the city, it was almost completely dark now. I could feel the tears silently slipping down my face. My voice still sounded off, and I knew it had given me away.

"Edward? What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"No.... I'm anything but okay, Jazz."

It had come out as a whisper, but I guess he heard it, because he answered with a "Be there in 10." and hung up.

I stood for another minute or two, holding the phone over my heart, watching the people below me. I took a shuddering breath, trying to keep my emotions in check. Hopeless cause at the moment, because it felt like I was stuck in an emotional pinball-machine.

I walked over to the couch and sat down as I tossed the phone on the side table. I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, letting my chin rest on their tops, as I sipped the scotch. My eyes were fixed on the dormant fireplace as my thoughts drifted back.

Jasper and I had been best friends ever since he and his parents moved to Forks in our freshman year of high school. We'd hit it off straight away. We'd shared many interests, spending as much time together as we could. Neither of us went out much, which was encouraged by our parents. We were both more focused on school and where we wanted to go in life, than on girls. Of course, at the time, neither of us had been willing to admit the real reason for our lack of interest in girls.

It wasn't until we'd moved to Seattle and gone to UW that things changed. I came out in the middle of our freshman year of college. By that time, I'd had feelings for Jasper for a while, but I didn't dare say anything. I was in a relationship when Jasper came out a year later. I thought maybe he had feelings for me as well, but timing never seemed to be on our side. _There's that ugly word again. Time._ I frowned at myself. One or the other of us had always been in a relationship, and I, for one, held our friendship too dear to do anything during those times. _More like you were too much of a chickenshit, Edward Masen. _

I huffed and sipped my scotch, reflecting. I did love Jasper and had for many years. And now…now, it was too late. _Why did I call him now? _I sighed in defeat. _Because you always call him. He's always been there for you._ I put my chin back on my knees, resting my glass against my forehead as I closed my eyes. I heard the lock click and the door open as he let himself in, using the key I'd given him for when he would check on my place while I was out of town.

"Edward?"

I didn't respond, didn't move. I wasn't even sure I was breathing anymore. I heard the door close softly, and a soft 'clunk' from his helmet as it was put on the table by the door, followed by the tell tale 'thud thud' as Jasper toed out of his boots. I knew, because that's what he always did. Mere moments later, I felt the sofa give next to me. Jasper put a hand on the nape of my neck, and with the other he grabbed the glass from my shaking hands, putting it down on the side table. I hadn't even realized it until I felt his hands on me, but I was trembling from head to toe.

He didn't say a word, just settled back into the couch and pulled me to him, holding me to his chest as he coaxed my head to rest on his shoulder. That gesture was all it took to let loose the floodgates, and I started to cry. I let all my feelings of fear, anger, resentment and grief flow out of me, knowing that he was here with me. My fingers clenched tightly on his shirt, while he was rubbing my back in an attempt to soothe me. I didn't know how long we sat like that, but eventually I started to settle down.

Jasper squeezed me gently as he whispered into my hair, his cheek resting on the top of my head.

"Want to tell me what's got you so upset?"

I took a shuddering breath as I tried to muster the strength and voice to tell him. I barely managed a croaky whisper.

"It's back, Jazz. The cancer... "

I both heard and felt his sharp intake of breath as he tightened his arms around me. It felt so good to be held by him. So safe. He had always been able to calm me down, he had a quiet strength to him that I'd grown to depend on over the years of our friendship. He had been there the first time I'd had to fight cancer. He'd stood by me when most of our peers fell away. He had helped me do the things that I was unable to do myself during my treatments. And he had run with me during many a marathon over the years.

I had always hoped that someday, timing would be on our side, and we could maybe try and see if we could be more than just friends. I had not been in a relationship for awhile now. I hadn't really wanted to be with anyone. Anyone other than him, that is. Jasper had recently come out of a relationship, but I hadn't acted. It wasn't right to pounce right after someone had been dumped, and there was time, right? How I wished now that I had acted. Now, I was too late.

I wouldn't do anything now. I was too selfish. I needed my best friend too much to risk losing him if he rejected any advances from me. And even if he did want me the way I wanted him, how could I put him through that? I would die, leaving him alone. That wasn't fair, either. I felt the tears start again, as I felt the loss of what wasn't ever going to be now. I buried my face into his chest, trying desperately to not lose it again, I knew I couldn't put voice to why I was crying these tears now.

I heard him whisper, his voice trembling slightly with emotion. He continued to rub my back soothingly with one hand, while he ran his fingers through my hair with the other.

"I'm so sorry, Edward. But we'll fight this, just like last time, right?"

I didn't say anything, I couldn't. My throat had tightened too much for me to be able to get the words out. I thought back to last time. It had taken the better part of a year and intense chemotherapy treatments then to get rid of the cancer. I shuddered as I remembered how awful I had felt from the side effects. I'd lost most of my hair, so I ended up shaving the rest off and just wore hats instead. I was so nauseous all the time, and couldn't stand the sight or smell of food. I'd lost a lot of weight because of that, which wasn't good. I'd been so tired all the time, too. I didn't want to have to go through all that again.

_Why? Why did it have to come back?!?_ I had done everything they told me to do after they had cured me. I kept in shape, had a well balanced diet, didn't drink, didn't smoke, made sure I got the sleep I needed. Why was this happening now? Why would my body betray me so horribly? I felt myself getting angry, and before I was able to stop myself I felt my hand hit Jasper's chest as I choked out.

"Why?! I don't want to go through that again! Why did this happen to me? Again!"

Jasper looked at me, startled at my outburst. He placed his hand over mine, holding it against where I had hit him.

"I don't know, Edward."

I lifted my head to look at him; his beautiful grey eyes were red-rimmed and shimmering with tears. His face full of emotions I wasn't able to place, my own in too much turmoil to figure it out. Though I was certain I saw fear there, there was something else; something I was afraid to name. At the same time I wanted very much for it to be real, selfish creature that I was. I lowered my eyes and sighed.

"I don't know if I can do this again, Jasper. Carlisle says it's come back, not just the leukemia, but it's spread now. Worse than the first time." I paused for a moment. "I'm scared."

We sat for a while, with him just holding me to him, my head resting against his shoulder. I had told him everything that Carlisle had told me, and now we were each lost in our own thoughts. I had no idea what time it was, or how long we'd sat, but suddenly his stomach gave an almighty grumble. He chuckled softly as I looked up at him.

"Sorry... I haven't had dinner yet. You hungry?"

I nodded, realizing I hadn't eaten anything since lunchtime, either.

"Yeah.... I should eat."

I started to sit up so I could go and check the kitchen, but he pulled me back to him, holding me tight. I frowned at him.

"Not ready to let you go just yet. Why don't we call in something? Pizza? Chinese? My treat."

I thought about it for a moment and sighed. I wasn't very willing to leave his embrace either. It felt safe here, and I didn't feel quite as alone with him here.

"Chinese, please. The usual."

He pulled his phone from his back pocket and called in our order. As soon as he was done, he wrapped both his arms around me again and sighed deeply. We sat in silence for several minutes just breathing in the situation before he spoke.

"Promise me something?" he said softly.

I looked at him, his eyes intent on mine. They seemed to burn into me, and I wanted nothing more than to lose myself in them. I blinked, trying to focus on his words.

"What?"

"Fight this, Edward. Please? Don't give up on .....life."

For a moment it was as if he was going to say something else. I swallowed hard, unable to say anything. He watched me carefully, his eyebrows pulling together in concentration.

"I'll be here with you every step of the way, just please...?"

I gasped for air as the tears threatened to fall again, so I closed my eyes and just nodded. If he was here with me, I could do this, right? I felt his hand cup my cheek, his thumb gently caressing my cheekbone. I felt his body shift slightly, but I kept my eyes closed. I felt his warm breath fan my face and I stopped breathing. At that point I was too scared to open my eyes. Surely he wasn't going to kiss me? That was just not possible. I wanted him to, but why would he? I wasn't good for him, not now when I was dying.

I felt him come closer, his lips almost on mine. I could sense it. I stayed very still, afraid to move at all, wanting to both run away from this and toward it. Just before his lips could touch mine, there was a knock on the door. Our food had arrived. I felt him pull away with a soft sigh as he let me go. I had to take several deep breaths to calm myself down. _He'd been about to kiss me. _I took the opportunity to look at him while he was at the door.

He'd grown into a man. Tall, slender, well defined...all aspects accentuated by the thin, black cotton of his t-shirt and the jeans hanging low on his hips. I shook my head a little to stop myself from dwelling on his body. He was so much more to me than just physical appearance. He had always been my rock, my comfort, my friend.

He paid the delivery person, closed the door and paused for the briefest moment, as if collecting himself. I watched as he squared his shoulders and headed into the kitchen. As he came back to the living room with a tray carrying the food and two bottles of water, I shifted over to the opposite side of the couch, pulling my legs up again so I sat facing him. He handed me a bottle and put the tray down between us as he sat down. He shifted so he was facing me as well and grabbed a pair of chopsticks and a carton of chow mein. He didn't say a word as he ate, just watched me, a slight frown marring his features.

I grabbed the other carton of chow mein and some chopsticks and began eating, ducking my head a little so I wouldn't have to look at him. I wasn't completely able to resist looking at him though, so every now and then I'd sneak a peek through my lashes, only to find his gaze on me still. As we ate our way through the chow mein, orange chicken and General Tsao, my mind was playing tug of war with my heart.

Part of me was hoping that he had indeed been trying to kiss me, and that he would try again. I wanted to be with him, so much. To be able to show him I loved him, and for him to love me back. It was selfish of me. As selfish as not wanting to make a move at all, just so I wouldn't risk losing him altogether. That part of me needed him with me in any capacity. I could not envision my life, however long I had left of it, without Jasper in the picture. It would surely kill me faster if I lost him than any cancer could.

I didn't know what to do anymore. I put down the empty cartons and my chopsticks, keeping my head low as I moved. I grabbed the bottle of water I had pretty much neglected, opened it and drank greedily from it. When I was done, I looked at Jasper, only to find his eyes fixed on my face; his posture was tense. I'd never seen him like this before and wasn't sure what to make of it. He had placed his chopsticks, cartons and empty water bottle on top of the tray.

I blushed slightly from the intensity of his stare, so I picked up the tray and took it to the kitchen, looking for an escape. From what, I wasn't sure. I placed the tray on the counter, and threw the empty cartons and chopsticks in the trash, setting the bottles aside for recycling. Every movement felt as if I was on autopilot. There wasn't anything left to do in the kitchen, yet I found myself unable to go back to the living room. I felt the shock and despair take hold of me again. I leaned heavily on the counter with my elbows. I lowered my head to my arms and clutched my fingers to my hair.

My chest felt so tight, and my breathing was ragged as I tried to regain control over my emotions. I didn't hear him as he stepped up behind me, and I jumped slightly as I felt his arms wrap slowly around my waist. He closed the distance between us and rested his head between my shoulder blades. Slowly but surely I could feel my breathing even out as his presence calmed me as no other could. He just let me go through the motions, knowing that for right now, it just needed to happen, but he would be here when it did. I loved him all the more for that.

He shifted a little, pulling me upright and turning me around so we were facing each other. He cupped my face in both his hands and just stared into my eyes for the longest time, his thumbs gently rubbing over my cheekbones as he wiped my tears away again. I rested my hands on the crook of his arms as I leaned back into the counter. After several minutes, he sighed and touched his forehead to mine, closing his eyes, our noses barely touching. His breath fanned out over my lips, and the urge to kiss him grew stronger. He was so close, just a tilt of the head, an inch forward, and I'd be able to taste the sweet- and spiciness that was in his every breath.

"Thanks, Jasper." I whispered softly, letting out a sigh.

He opened his eyes and tilted his head back a little so he could look me in the eye, frowning a little as he did so.

"For what?"

"For being here. For letting me get this out of my system. I just...."

I was at a loss for what else to say. There was so much I would like to tell him, and so much more I didn't feel I could. He gazed into my eyes intently, as if he were looking for answers there to questions he couldn't ask. I started to feel a little uncomfortable under the scrutiny, so I ducked my head, feeling a faint blush creep up my cheeks. I heard him take a deep breath, as if steeling himself for something. He put his finger under my chin, lifting it up so my eyes were level with his again.

He searched my face for a reaction as he whispered softly to me.

"I'll always be here for you, Edward. For as long as you'll let me. I love you, you know?"

I swallowed hard, my eyes darting back and forth between his. My heart was pounding in my chest and my mouth was suddenly very dry. I could feel the tears threatening again. _Damnit, I can't seem to stop doing that. _I was reeling from everything that had come at me today. As much as I had been longing for so many years to hear him say that, having him do so now left me speechless. I knew I had to respond, I wanted to. And in that instant I knew that I only had one choice. It really was 'now, or never'.

I slid my hands up his arms and cupped his face gently in them, his 5 o'clock shadow prickling my skin. I tilted my head as I leaned in and closed the distance between us, pressing my lips to his once, twice. I closed my eyes when I felt him return my kiss. I sucked on his bottom lip, nipping it lightly before trailing over it with my tongue. He put his arms around my waist as I felt his tongue circle mine, and we stood for a long time, just exploring the other's mouth.

He tasted so good, the sweetness of the orange chicken, the spice of the General Tsao and something I couldn't place, something that was all him, and I couldn't get enough of it. The scratchiness of his stubble only added to the sensations. After a few minutes though, I had to break away and catch my breath. I rested my forehead against his. My voice was thick with emotion still and I couldn't get it to go above a coarse whisper.

"I love you, too. Jasper, I..." I took a steadying breath before continuing. "I have, for a long time now."

************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

**A/N: I hope that you will support the boys on their journey. Leave them some love, if you will.**

**And if you can't say anything nice... well you know how the rest of the saying goes ^_~**

**There's a thread for LLNT here:**

www dot twilighted dot ?f=44&t=4775

(actual link will be in my profile)


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **** Thank you, rhenea5018 and SorceressCirce for beta'ing this story, **

**and to ****drtammy1511 for her help on the medical front. **

**By the way, thank you guys so much for the love these two have already received. It means the world to me ^_^**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. The boys just like to come and play with me ^_~  
**

*********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

_He tasted so good, the sweetness of the orange chicken, the spice of the General Tsao and something I couldn't place, something that was all him, and I couldn't get enough of it. The scratchiness of his stubble only added to the sensations. After a few minutes though, I had to break away and catch my breath. I rested my forehead against his. My voice was thick with emotion still and I couldn't get it to go above a coarse whisper._

_"I love you, too. Jasper, I..." I took a steadying breath before continuing. "I have, for a long time now."_

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

He slipped his arms around my neck and hugged me closely to him. I lowered my hands down his chest and around his waist, resting my head on his shoulder. I nuzzled his neck, placing a soft kiss under his ear, and I felt him shudder slightly. I whispered into his ear, my voice quavering as my emotions were still going haywire.

"I'm sorry.... I should have told you a long time ago."

He pulled back to look at me, and he sighed before he spoke.

"Don't, don't do that…"

He turned, grabbed my hand, and pulled me back to the couch. As he sat down, he put one leg across the length of the couch and pulled me to him, my back against his chest. I stretched my legs out as he wrapped his arms around me. Sighing contentedly, I rested my head against his shoulder, still marveling a little at how we got here. Though we'd never been uncomfortable showing affection as friends, this was different, new, and it felt right. He kissed my cheek then rested his head against mine.

"Hindsight's 20/20. I can think of so many times when I could have told you, too," he said, squeezing me gently. "But that's in the past. We have now and tomorrow, Edward, if you'll have me."

He sounded almost hesitant, and I turned my face to look at him questioningly.

"What do you mean?"

The look in his eyes was intense, as if he were boring through any doubts of what he was about to say.

"I mean that I do not want to waste another moment. Time is precious, especially now. I meant what I said. Edward, I love you, and I want the chance to show you just how much. I've waited far too long to do so."

Shifting a little in his arms and placing my hand on his cheek, I tilted my head a little further and lightly kissed his lips. Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes briefly before I spoke.

"I would love nothing more than to be with you, Jasper. I just..." I paused for a moment. "How is this fair to you? How is this fair, if I'm going to die and leave you behind?"

His chest rumbled as he growled softly.

"How is it fair to either of us if we don't try, Edward? I could die tomorrow, so could you. The point is we don't know what lies ahead, not really. But I'll be damned if I'm going to let this chance slip through my fingers. _If _you die, I don't want to live the rest of my life regretting that we never took our chance at love. Would you honestly say that you'd want to die, without giving us our chance?"

He'd become agitated, his voice taking on a deeper, expressive tone. It was something that I had always noticed about Jasper when he was upset or irritated. His voice would lower, and a hint of his Texas upbringing would resonate through the lengthening of his words. I wasn't sure if it was because of that, or the message in his words, but I shivered and shook my head, indicating that I, indeed, did not want to live without taking our chance.

We spent the next few hours talking, confessing to each other our moment of realization about our feelings. It had been there on some level since the beginning, we found out, though neither of us had been able to acknowledge this, even to ourselves. You would think that my first fight with cancer thirteen years ago would have taught me to grab life by the horns, and in many ways, it had. But when it came to being comfortable with me and my sexuality, it was a different matter entirely.

In part, not only for me but for Jasper as well, it was because of what we had witnessed in school. Not long after Jasper had started at Forks High, Mike, who was a few years ahead of us, had come out of the closet. It had not been pretty to watch as he was put through the wringer by our peers. They'd thrown derogatory slurs at him at every opportunity, tormented him by running into him, making him trip and drop his books. Someone had vandalized his locker, scrawling the words "Fag" and "Cock-sucker" in graffiti. His car had received similar treatment. When he missed a few days of school, we hadn't initially thought much of it, until we found out that he had been beaten up so badly that he'd ended up in the hospital for observation.

Alice, Jasper, and I, as well as our friends Emmett and Bella, would intervene whenever we saw anyone tormenting him, but more often than not, we didn't get the chance. Mike was verily traumatized and eventually dropped out and left town. We never heard from him again, but those months of torture were a deterrent for both of us. Neither of us had wanted to suffer that fate.

When I got sick, Jasper was always there. He was my best friend, and we became very close during that year. He saw me at my worst, my sickest, and still he was there. After my particularly brutal treatments, when I was too weak to help myself, he would clean me up and stay with me. The feelings of 'love' I had for him were growing, but I dismissed them as 'normal' in a way that you would have love for a best friend. I didn't want to admit, mostly to myself, that things were changing for me. Then, a few months after I went into remission, he was there again to comfort me when my mom was killed in a car accident. He would hold me, let me cry and cling to him, always reminding me that I wasn't alone, that I had people who loved me.

"That was really when I started feeling more for you…when I started to realize that I cared more about you than I should," Jasper admitted as he lightly ran his fingers up and down my forearm.

My heart ached at the time we'd lost when I realized he'd had feelings for me since high school as well. I couldn't blame him for not saying anything, though, as it had taken me leaving Forks and seeing others out and accepted before I was able to start feeling comfortable with myself. I never could bring myself to tell Jasper about my feelings in regards to him.

Even now, I was vaguely nervous as I told him, "I was too afraid of losing you. I didn't know what I would do without my best friend. It wasn't something I was willing to risk, no matter how much I wished for something more."

Jasper kissed my cheek, letting me know he understood. Then he told me it took him longer to acknowledge his feelings because he was worried about how his family would react. With my family no longer alive, that was not a worry with which I could relate. When he finally did come out, he was pleasantly surprised by their acceptance. They just wanted their son to be happy.

After awhile, our conversation slowed as we both grew quiet and tried to absorb all of the revelations we'd shared. I yawned and snuggled closer to him. He let out a long breath, rubbing my arms gently as he spoke.

"It's late; you should get some sleep. You've had a helluva day."

Placing a soft kiss on my temple, he gently pushed me away and made to get up. I placed a hand on his chest and looked in his eyes.

"Stay, please? I don't want to be alone tonight."

He nodded and stood up, holding his hand out to me. I grabbed it and walked to the bedroom, turning the lights off as we went. As we approached the bed, I had to pause for a moment, not sure of what he was expecting. I was tired and my mind fuzzy from the events of the day. Jasper, knowing how I must be feeling, put his free hand on the nape of my neck, rubbing it gently.

"Do you have some pajama pants I can borrow? Didn't exactly bring an overnight bag."

He chuckled softly, and I turned to grin at him.

"Oh, so this wasn't in your grand scheme?"

I winked at him and let go of his hand as I walked to the dresser and found us both pajama pants. Tossing him a pair, I shook my head as he walked into the bathroom to change then quickly changed into mine as well. When he walked back into the bedroom, I swallowed hard, trying not to stare at him. I'd seen him without a shirt before, but this was different. He was in my bedroom, and we'd be sleeping in the same bed. The stirring in my stomach indicated my nervousness and the betraying blush on Jasper's face as well as his unsure posture, indicated he was having similar issues. I became acutely aware of the awkwardness of the situation and, trying to hide my own blush, I quickly made my escape to the bathroom.

_This is ridiculous. It's just Jasper, for crying out loud._ I stood in front of the mirror, taking a few deep breaths to calm myself down. I brushed my teeth quickly before walking back into my bedroom. Jasper had turned down the bed and was sitting with his back against the headboard, his legs stretched out in front of him. He had his eyes closed and his head tilted back a little. He looked lost in thought, and I found myself mesmerized at the sight of him in my bed.

His lips were parted slightly, giving him a look of innocence. I let my eyes travel down his body, taking in the strained muscles of his neck, down to his pecs and abs. I watched as his chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm, his toned muscles rippling slightly as he shifted a little. He was beautiful and, unbelievably, finally, mine.

His eyes opened slowly, and he smiled as he caught me staring at him, opening his arms to me. I walked over to him and climbed into his embrace. He scooted down as I snuggled up to him, running my hand up and down his arm, locking my eyes with his. The feeling of his skin against mine in combination with how he smelled was almost intoxicating. I craned my neck a little so I could press my lips against his. His response was immediate, and the kiss was slow and tender, sending tingles down my spine.

I all but purred in satisfaction, and he broke the kiss with a soft chuckle. I sighed as he ran his fingers through my hair.

"I'm sorry if I'm all over the place....I feel like I don't know whether I'm coming or going at the moment. I'm glad you're here....."

He watched me closely as I spoke, a sad smile playing on his lips as he cupped my cheek with his hand.

"You have every right to it, darlin'. You've had a lot thrown at you, I understand that. Don't give it another thought. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. Now sleep; tomorrow will be here soon enough, and we can worry then."

He kissed my forehead and squeezed me gently before whispering, his lips still against my skin, "I love you, Edward."

"I love you, too, Jazz."

I rested my head against his shoulder, wrapping an arm around his chest and placing my leg over his. I wanted to be as close to him as I could get, needing to feel the safety and warmth of his embrace. My mind wouldn't shut down for a long time, but I didn't move. As I felt Jasper's breathing even out, knowing he was fast asleep, I lifted my head and watched him for a few minutes. His features had softened somewhat, but he didn't seem very peaceful, despite the small smile that played his lips. I wondered if he was dreaming of me. I placed a soft kiss on his shoulder, not wanting to wake him up but needing the contact.

And then I did something I hadn't done since my mother had been killed.

I prayed.

I prayed to a God I wasn't sure I believed in. My doubts ran deep. How could He take away the woman who had loved me most, who had gone through so much? How could He have allowed the things to happen to her, to myself, to Mike, to my friends? I'd stopped praying the day she died, but now...now I grasped at whatever straw I could.

_Please God, I don't know if you can hear me. I know I haven't talked to you in a very long time, but if you could, just this once, hear me. Please help me to fight this cancer. I don't want to die. I'm not _ready_ to die. I finally have a chance at love, and I know I can't do this alone. Help me, please. Help me be worthy of this man's love. Help me to live. _

Silent tears were running down my cheeks again, and I hurriedly wiped them away, being careful not to wake Jasper. I hadn't prayed in so long; I wasn't sure if I'd even done it right, but I figured that if He were really God, He would know and understand. I nestled back into Jasper and closed my eyes, trying to clear my thoughts and get some sleep.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I turned over onto my stomach, my left arm reaching out across the bed. _Empty? What..?_ I pushed myself up slightly and looked around, bleary eyed. The pillow was dented, the covers on the other side of the bed were tossed back, and the pajama pants I'd given to him were folded at the foot of the bed. _What the hell? _My voice was cracked and wavering as I tried to call out, "Jasper?"

No response. Sitting up slowly, I rubbed my face vigorously, trying to wake up fully before checking my surroundings again. My eyes landed on my alarm clock, and I shot out of bed when I saw the time. 10:26 a.m. I'd overslept. _Shit!_

Pinching the bridge of my nose, I took a deep breath. _Okay, have to call work. Find Jasper...where is he? _I walked out into the living room when I heard someone talking in a low voice. It took me a moment to realize that it was Jasper and he was on the phone.

"Thanks, Katie. I appreciate it, I know this is very last minute." Pause. "Yes, the rest of the week, that's right."

I walked up to him, clearing my throat a little to let him know I was here, since he didn't seem to be aware. Looking up at me, his lips twitched into a smirk as he held up a finger, indicating he was almost done.

"Alright, thanks again. I'll call you back this afternoon to check in. Have a good day, Katie."

He got up from the table where he'd been sitting as he flipped his phone shut. I noticed his laptop and some paperwork lying on the table. _Did he go home? What's going on?_ He ran his fingers through my hair, his eyes on mine. I was still trying to fully wake up, feeling a little sluggish again after the initial panic of seeing the time. _Time! Shit, work..._ He must have instinctively realized the source of my panic because he cupped my cheek, lifting my head a little so my eyes were level with his. The look in them was one of concern, love, and ... hesitation?

"I called your school, told them you were sick and asleep and that I would have you call in once you woke up. Gianna was most helpful and said she'd get a sub in for you today."

I frowned, feeling a little confused.

"I'm sorry, I probably shouldn't have; frankly, I'm surprised Gianna was so understanding. Did she know where you went yesterday?"

"Uhm, yeah. Kind of, I guess." I shook my head in an effort to clear my thoughts. "Thank you. I'll give her a call once I'm more awake. Who were you talking to just now?"

"Katie." He blushed a little and ducked his head as he continued. "She works in my office. I asked her to reschedule my appointments for the week and let her know I'd be working from home for that time."

He hadn't moved his hand from my cheek, so I placed mine over it to get his attention. I quirked an eyebrow as I spoke.

"You cleared the rest of your week?"

He nodded and let out his breath in a huff.

"Yes, I did. I'll still be working, just not going into the office. I want to be here."

I slipped my arms around his waist, pulling him closer to me while I kept my eyes level with his. I had to fight the smile that was trying to tug at the corners of my mouth. _Here? He's serious. _I couldn't, however, keep my voice from betraying me and letting him know that the thought of him here, with me, made me very happy.

"Here?"

"You said you would need to talk to Carlisle again this week, right?"

I nodded, wondering about the question.

"Then yes, I would like to be here, if that's alright with you. I know that the next few days will be hard for you; I don't like the idea of you going through it alone."

My eyes danced between his as I hugged him closer to me. I pressed my lips hard against his, needing to feel him, because for a moment I wasn't sure that I was awake and this wasn't all a dream. His responding kiss as he wrapped his arms around me tightly reassured me that it was anything but a dream. This kiss wasn't tender; it was filled with need, pent up emotion, and want. It was breathtaking and all too soon we both had to pull away.

My heart was pounding in my chest as I searched his eyes and mumbled under my breath, "Not dreaming..."

He chuckled and shook his head.

"No, Edward, you are most definitely not dreaming."

I chose to ignore his amusement and instead looked into his eyes as I put voice to what had gone through my mind yesterday while talking to Carlisle.

"Will you come with me, when I talk with Carlisle? It's too much information for any one person to get, and I would like you there. If you're serious...then I need you there with me. It'll concern you, too."

His face was earnest as he nodded and squeezed me briefly to him.

"Of course I'll go with you. Whatever you need, I'll do my best to be. You won't be in this alone, darlin'."

"Thank you," I said as my heart skipped at the realization that he had called me 'darlin'' for the second time. I had heard him use that endearment before with other "interests" of his but had only ever dreamed of him saying it to me.

He rolled his eyes and shook his head with a sigh.

"Don't be ridiculous. Now, I don't know about you, but I am hungry. Do you have anything here, or would you rather go out?"

I pondered the options briefly before remembering that I was supposed to go shopping yesterday and had forgotten to do so.

"We'll need to go out. I don't have anything in the house. How about we head to Uncle Billy's?"

Half an hour later we were sitting in our usual booth at Billy's Diner. 'Uncle Billy', as he liked to be called, had run the diner with his wife for years with their kids helping out as well. It was a popular haunt for students and locals, and it had been ours as well ever since we started at UW. When Uncle Billy's wife passed away, his daughters continued to help when they could, but Billy had to hire a couple of girls to do the job his wife had done.

Tanya had been working for him for a few years now. She was our waitress today and as always made sure to give us a fresh pot of coffee. We chatted back and forth a little, just small talk about how things were going with the diner, Uncle Billy, and Tanya's classes. Jasper and I were both leaning on the table toward each other. He kept shooting glances at me to gauge how I was holding up. When Tanya asked how we were doing, he reached over the table to grab my hand as I ducked my head, unable to keep my face free of emotion.

I clenched my jaw and closed my eyes for a moment, the contact with Jasper calming me somewhat. _I can't keep doing this. I've _got_ to get it together if I'm to fight this thing. People are going to find out sooner or later and it does me no good to continually fall to pieces whenever it comes up._ I turned back to Tanya, taking a deep breath before smiling at her. I'm sure it wasn't a convincing smile, but it was all I could muster. She was watching us closely, concern written on her face.

"Tanya, why don't you see if Uncle Billy'll sit down with us for a minute?"

She frowned as she nodded and went to go get him. Jasper looked at me with a raised eyebrow as he spoke.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yeah, Uncle Billy's always been good to us over the years, and Tanya's been a friend, too. It's going to come out. I might as well tell them now."

He got up from his seat and scooted next to me, making room for Uncle Billy and Tanya. I folded my hands, resting them in front of me on the table in an attempt to still the nerves. It was comforting to have Jasper so close to me, his leg touching mine. He placed his hand at the nape of my neck, rubbing it gently. It took a minute, after they had joined us at our table, for me to be able to speak. They both watched us; Tanya noted the way Jasper was touching me and raised a brow, her eyes showing concern, worry, and also some amusement. I tried not to think about that one.

I looked at each of them in turn as I told them my news. Tanya's eyes were red-rimmed, glistening with unshed tears. She reached her hands over the table, placing them over mine as I fidgeted, her worry clear on her face. Uncle Billy sat quietly as he listened, his face a mask of indecipherable emotion. After I was done, I glanced over at Jasper, who had been quiet through it all. He squeezed my neck gently to let me know he was okay and to reassure me.

We just sat quietly for a few minutes until Tanya got called back to get our food. When she returned, she sat down again. Things were mercifully quiet in the diner at the moment, which allowed them to sit with us a while longer. Jasper and I ate in relative quiet, answering questions from Uncle Billy or Tanya. It was obvious that she had taken the news hard, but there was something else in her eyes besides the worry and compassion. She kept looking between Jasper and me with curiosity in her eyes.

It wasn't until after we were done eating that she said anything about it, though.

"I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this again, Edward." She patted my hand and gave me a wan smile. "I'm glad that you have Jasper to lean on."

Jasper and I looked at each other before turning back to her. Jasper grasped my hand in his and grinned at Tanya. I saw Uncle Billy's eyes dance softly as he nodded at us both. I chuckled quietly, shaking my head in disbelief as I put my elbow on the table and buried my face in my hand. I tilted my head slightly so my cheek rested in my palm, a crooked smile tugging at my lips as Jasper squeezed my other hand.

"I am, too," I said softly.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: ****Thank you, rhenea5018 and SorceressCirce for beta'ing this story,**

**and to drtammy1511 for her help on the medical front.  
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. Apparently, it owns me.**

Okay, so I'm breaking my own rule. Again. I'm posting when I don't have the next chapter ready. I'm an idiot. I know.

I have no willpower. I know this, too. Bright side? Y'all get the benefit (albeit temporary) of my idiocy ^_~.

That said, I hope you enjoy this chapter.

**********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

_"I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this again, Edward." She patted my hand and gave me a wan smile. "I'm glad that you have Jasper to lean on." _

_Jasper and I looked at each other before turning back to her. Jasper grasped my hand in his and grinned at Tanya. I saw Uncle Billy's eyes dance softly as he nodded at us both. I chuckled quietly, shaking my head in disbelief as I put my elbow on the table and buried my face in my hand. I tilted my head slightly so my cheek rested in my palm, a crooked smile tugging at my lips as Jasper squeezed my other hand._

_"I am, too," I said softly. _

******************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

We had stayed at the diner for a little while after we were done eating. Both Uncle Billy and Tanya had given each of us a hug before we left and told us that if we needed anything, to just ask. Uncle Billy let Jasper know that he would make sure we were both fed, if need be, while I was in treatment. We thanked them both, letting them know that should that turn out to be necessary, we would definitely appreciate the help. I knew I might not be able to eat whatever Uncle Billy might send our way, if things went the same as last time, but it felt good to know that Jasper at least would be taken care of in that department.

We walked home in silence, just enjoying each other's company and the peace and quiet that seemed to be in the air at the moment. We each had an arm around the other's waist and our footfalls became synchronized as we walked. Realizing we were walking in step amused me, and I found myself smiling at the ease of being with Jasper, in spite of the circumstances. I glanced at him and saw his eyes were on me, his eyebrow raised in question. I shrugged and squeezed him to my side as I said, "It's nothing."

Once we got home, I called Gianna to inform her of what was happening. She told me to take the rest of the week off and not worry about my students. She had already arranged for a sub for the week, having guessed that the news had not been good. I was to take time and figure out what I wanted and needed to do and then get back to her. Gianna and I had talked about our respective experiences with cancer a few times after I had found her in the office crying one day. Her brother had just been diagnosed, and she'd been scared and upset. Unfortunately, he had not been as lucky as I had been and had passed away within a few months of his diagnosis. When I recently noticed something was wrong, and Carlisle had ordered the tests for me, I let her know what was going on. It was the only thing I had done, strangely enough, and in retrospect, I was glad of it, as I could now be sure that my students would be taken care of.

Jasper stood leaning against the window frame, watching the city below. I walked up to him after hanging up the phone and slipped my arms around his waist. He seemed lost in thought, but he reached back to put his arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer to him. After a few minutes, he turned to look at me, and his voice was low as he spoke.

"When are you calling Carlisle?"

I sighed.

"Probably today. I'd like to get the ball rolling as soon as possible."

He nodded, turning around in my arms so he was facing me, though he leaned back against the window frame again. He put his other arm around my shoulder as he hugged me to him, kissing my forehead.

"Good. Edward..." he paused a moment to collect his thoughts. "I think we should sit down and talk about what's going to happen. Make a list of questions to ask Carlisle, stuff like that. Are you okay with that?"

I groaned but nodded. As much as I hated to have to think about it, he was right, and I knew it. He kissed my forehead again.

"Every step of the way, darlin'," he murmured softly, his lips still against my skin.

I stepped out of his embrace, smiling tentatively at him as I took his hand and led him to the couch. I grabbed a pen and pad from the end table as he sat down, and he took them from me as I joined him on the sofa. He had me go over what Carlisle had told me again, in as much detail as I could remember. It was frustrating to realize just how little I had retained from that conversation. Sensing my irritation, Jasper took my hand in his and rubbed soothing circles on the back of it. I took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of my nose with my free hand, trying to calm myself.

"It's okay, Edward. This is why we're writing down our questions, and why we'll both be talking with him, instead of you going on your own."

I sighed and nodded. "Yeah, I know, Jazz."

We talked a little about how things had gone the last time and what we remembered of the treatments. He asked me how I felt about going through chemo again, and I visibly cringed at the memory of last time. He waited patiently for me to answer, and eventually I agreed to go through with it, provided that it would give me a good chance of survival and not just a prolonging of my life by a limited amount of time. He watched me with glistening eyes for a moment, swallowing hard before nodding in understanding, writing down notes and questions with regards to that treatment option.

It was two hours later before I asked to stop. I just couldn't think anymore; I was mentally and physically exhausted. He put the pen and pad down before getting up, reaching a hand out to me. I grabbed it, and he pulled me up, leading me to the bedroom.

"Get some rest. I'll wake you in an hour, alright?"

I scowled, hating the idea of taking a nap. More to the point, of taking one without him. He chuckled softly, shaking his head as if he knew exactly what was going through my mind.

"Fine, I'll lie down with you, if it makes you feel better."

I grinned slightly and winked at him.

"It does."

I climbed into bed after taking off my jeans and socks, leaving my t-shirt and boxers on. Jasper did the same before crawling in bed after me. He hovered over me for a moment, resting his weight on his arms on either side of me, our eyes locked as I reached a hand up to cup his face. He smiled at me, then lowered his head to give me a tender kiss.

"Try and sleep, darlin', please?"

He kissed me once more before lowering himself to my left and rolling on his side. I rolled over with my back to him, and in moments we were snuggled up together, his arm draped across me. I fell asleep far quicker than I thought I would, and I did not feel him get out of bed.

True to his word, Jasper woke me up an hour later. I grumbled as I noticed he'd snuck out of bed and gotten dressed again, which just made him grin and shake his head in amusement. He sat down on the side of the bed, placing his hand on my thigh as he watched me.

"Esme called while you were sleeping."

I frowned slightly and responded without really realizing what I was saying.

"Esme called? Is everything alright?"

Jasper quirked an eyebrow and gave me a pointed stare. I groaned as I realized the stupidity of my question and put my hands over my eyes. I felt him squeeze my thigh, and I sighed.

"What did she say?"

"Nothing much. She asked if I knew what was going on, so I told her you'd called me last night."

"And...?"

I was dreading what was coming next. Esme had always hoped Jasper and I would end up together, so I wasn't too concerned about that aspect. In all likelihood, however, I would not live it down if she were to feel it was apropos that my cancer returning triggered our getting together. I should've known better though.

"And nothing. She was just glad you weren't alone right now. She's worried about you. They all are."

"Yeah, I'm sure they are..."

I let out a soft sigh. I knew this would be hard on Esme and the others, too.

"Did she say anything else?"

If I knew my Godmother as well as I thought I did, there was more coming. I looked at him questioningly. He frowned a little as he answered.

"She wanted to know if we would like to come to dinner tonight. I told her I'd ask you when you woke up. Wasn't sure if you would be up for company, darlin', but, either way, she's expecting a call in the next half hour, so she can plan for dinner."

Was I up for company? I thought about it for a moment, running my fingers through my hair, a nervous habit. I sighed as I felt Jasper's thumb run soothing circles on my thigh, as he patiently waited for me to sort things out. If I was honest with myself, I wanted to see her. With my mom gone, she was the closest thing to it I had, and I needed that connection right now. But a part of me - the part that didn't want to face what was ahead - wanted to just hole myself up in my apartment with Jasper. I rubbed my face and growled in frustration. When I looked back at Jasper, he had a curious look on his face, but he quickly smoothed it out as he waited for my response. I took a deep breath and let it out in a huff.

"You okay with going?"

"It's been a while since I've been able to enjoy Esme's home cookin'; as long as you're up to it, I think it'd be nice to see her, Alice, and Carlisle again."

"Why don't you call her then - let her know we'll be there?"

"Alright."

He leaned forward, brushing his lips against mine briefly. I smiled against his lips and ran my fingers through his hair. He let out a contented sigh before kissing me again, our lips moving languidly. It felt like a promise of forever, of hope to me. My heart both ached and filled with longing at the same time at the thought. Before he realized what was happening, I had wrapped my arms around Jasper, crushing him to me, needing to feel him close. I'd caught him off guard and he toppled over with a soft "Oof!" as the air left his lungs. He was sprawled over me as I held him to me.

"Edward?" he choked out.

I buried my face in the crook of his neck and mumbled, "Just hold me for a little while, please?"

I eased my hold on him as we shifted so we were both on our sides, facing the other, and he wrapped his arms around me and gently rubbed my back. I didn't know what it was about him, but he always seemed to know when to just allow me some silence to think, to process whatever might be going on with me. Now was no different, and I was grateful to him for that gift. _I don't know how I managed to be lucky enough for him to love me back, but I will do what it takes, whatever it takes, to make it worth his while. I _will _fight this. Fight for him. We both deserve this chance._ I knew I had already told him I would fight, but that was before we'd declared ourselves. I needed to let him know, really know. I took a deep breath, allowing my senses to be flooded with his scent and the feeling of him against me before I lifted my head and looked him in the eye.

"I promise, Jasper, I _will_ fight this. I don't think I can give you up, not now."

He watched me for a moment, his eyes flicking back and forth between mine before the corner of his mouth tugged up in an impish grin.

"Who says I'd let you, if you tried? Now that I've got you, I'm not about to let you go, darlin', not even God or the Devil himself could make me."

I couldn't help but smile at his words; I slowly pressed my lips to his, closing my eyes as I felt him return it. We lay like that for a long time, just holding each other as our hands roamed the other's body innocently - caressing backs, cheeks, arms, sides - all the while our lips were locked in a kiss that was sweet and tender. Neither of us wanted to rush this moment, and everything else was forgotten for now.

That is, until the phone started ringing. I growled quietly into the kiss and pressed him closer to me, unwilling to let go. Jasper pulled away just enough to say "Esme," and I reluctantly released my hold on him.

"I'll be right back."

He gave me one quick kiss before hurrying to answer the phone. I put my arm up and rested my head on it as I listened to the one-sided conversation long enough to be sure it was Esme.

"Masen residence." Pause. "Yes, Edward and I will be there around 5:30..."

I allowed my thoughts to drift as Jasper talked on. I knew we still had a lot to discuss, and not just about the cancer, but about where we would go from here. What I would do as things went along. _What _will_ I do? Do I keep working, take a sabbatical, quit? What am I supposed to do about the nursing home, or the kids? _I closed my eyes as I tried to take things one at a time. It was hard, because everything felt as if it was coming at me all at once, and it would likely be that way for a while yet.

I opened my eyes slowly as I felt the mattress dip. Jasper's eyes were on mine, and I could tell he was worried. I smiled tentatively up at him.

"I'm alright, love, I was just... thinking."

He flashed me a grin as I said the word 'love' and I couldn't help but return it. He leaned forward a little, placing a hand on either side of me to brace himself with.

"What were you thinking about?"

I let out a long, slow breath as I collected my thoughts.

"About us, work, the kids... just... everything. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do next. I don't want to give anything up, but I know it's unlikely I'll be up for it all. I'm sure I'll be okay for a while, but once treatment starts....."

My voice drifted off, as I found myself unwilling to finish my sentence. I watched Jasper as he absorbed what I was saying, a small frown marring his brow. I waited for him to speak, but when he didn't, I went on.

"It's different than last time, Jazz. I'm not in school anymore. It's not like you can help me do my assignments and hand my homework in for me when I can't make it to class."

"I know," he said softly and sighed. "We'll figure it out, darlin'. Some of these things we won't know an answer to until we've spoken to Carlisle about what your options are. I know things have changed a lot since you were sick last time; maybe it won't be as bad. Or at the very least, they may have medication to help offset the side effects."

He tilted his head and looked thoughtful for a moment.

"I think, though, that you should continue playing at the nursing home for as long as you're able. You know it's something you love doing; it'll be good for you, I'm sure."

I thought about that for a moment. Ever since our senior year in high school, we'd volunteered our time at a nursing home once a fortnight. It had started out as a project for school, since we needed to have a certain amount of volunteer time to make our grade. I had chosen to play the piano at the small nursing home in Port Angeles, figuring that playing show tunes and making people happy wouldn't be the worst way to earn my credits. Jasper and Bella had joined me. Bella would help the staff or read to some of the elderly, but Jasper always joined me, strumming his guitar and sometimes singing in his soft baritone. When Jasper and I went to UW, we continued to volunteer our time, choosing a nursing home close to school. It had always been something I looked forward to, in part because it had been something the two of us did together and in part because people seemed to really enjoy those nights.

Jasper ducked his head a little and looked shyly up at me through his lashes. I raised an eyebrow in question, wondering what was going through his mind.

"I never told you this before, but I chose to do the nursing home so I could spend more time with you. It was something just for us. I've always loved watching you play, Edward, the way you seem to lose yourself in the music. I always felt that you shared that part with just me, and I never was able to resist that."

I couldn't help but chuckle at his confession, which made him pull a face. I sat up and kissed him lightly on the lips.

"I know what you mean. It's been something you and I have shared. That, your bike, and running, that's always been just us, and it's something I've always cherished and always will."

"Speaking of running...you'd better get ready, or we will be running late." He winked as he got up and walked to the door of my room. "There's no getting out of going to see Esme and Alice tonight, darlin'."

I stuck my tongue out at him, making him laugh as he walked into the living room. I glanced at the clock and decided I had time for a quick shower. I grabbed a pair of faded blue jeans, a slate blue button down shirt, boxer briefs, and socks, laying them all on the bed before heading into the shower. After making quick work of actually washing my hair and body, I stood under the spray, attempting to just let it wash away my worries and relax me. It worked, somewhat, and I felt better after a few minutes. I knew I couldn't stay here for long though, so I reluctantly turned the shower off and toweled myself dry. As I wrapped the towel around my waist, I looked in the fogged up mirror. I wiped it dry with another towel, while trying to decide if I should shave or not. I was running my fingers across my jaw when I saw movement out of the corner of my eye and turned to see Jasper leaning against the doorpost with his arms crossed over his chest, a small grin playing on his lips, his eyes alight with..._longing?_

"Leave it. Looks kinda sexy..." He winked.

"Well, since you put it that way..."

I walked over to him and cupped his cheek before pulling him to me, kissing him briefly. He smiled against my lips as he swatted my ass lightly.

"Move it, mister, or we'll be late. You know how Alice and Esme can get."

I chuckled as I walked over to the bed. I heard him leave the room, and I felt both glad and sorry that he was gone. As welcome as this new dynamic was, it was still strange, and I felt a little self-conscious about changing in front of him. I knew it was silly, especially if we were going to take things to the next level, which I fervently hoped would happen soon, but it was still new and a little awkward. For me, at least.

I got dressed quickly and walked into the living room, rolling the sleeves up to my elbows as I went. I'd left the top two buttons undone and had yet to put socks on. Jasper looked up at me from where he was seated on the couch, and I could have sworn I heard him moan. I smirked at him, raising an eyebrow in question. "What?"

He got up and, with a few steps, stood in front of me, putting his hands on my cheeks as his eyes burned into mine as he spoke, "You're making it awfully difficult to leave the house, you know? I'm trying very hard to be good."

I started to smile, but he closed the distance between us and kissed me hungrily. As we kissed, my hands trailed up his arms, one ending up cupping his neck, my thumb resting at his ear while the other went down his back and rested on his belt. All coherent thought seemed to have left me, and if it hadn't been for Jasper pulling back, I would have happily kept going. As it was though, he did pull back with a deep sigh and a muttered "Dinner."

I groaned quietly at that, resting my forehead against his as I tried to compose myself. I sighed as I pulled away reluctantly so I could put on socks and shoes. Jasper stood by the door, having put on his leather jacket already, keys in hand. He looked at me with a slight smirk as he asked, "Yours or mine, darlin'?"

I grinned as I picked up his helmet and tossed it to him before grabbing my leather jacket and helmet off the hook by the door. I stepped up to him, placing my hand in the crook of his neck as I pulled him in for a quick kiss, murmuring against his lips, "Why don't you take me for a ride, baby?"

He growled softly as he kissed me hard, but briefly, before we headed out to the Cullen's.

**********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

**A/N:** So, you've read chapter 3. Awesome! Hope you enjoyed it. Let me say again though, that updates will not be frequent, but they are being worked on.

Not sure when the next time my willpower fails will be ^_~.

Thanks everyone, for loving these boys as much as I do.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thank you, rhenea5018 and SorceressCirce for beta'ing this story, **

**and to drtammy1511 for her help on the medical front. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. The boys just like to come and play with me ^_~**

*******************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

_I groaned quietly at that, resting my forehead against his as I tried to compose myself. I sighed as I pulled away reluctantly so I could put on socks and shoes. Jasper stood by the door, having put on his leather jacket already, keys in hand. He looked at me with a slight smirk as he asked, "Yours or mine, darlin'?"_

_I grinned as I picked up his helmet and tossed it to him before grabbing my leather jacket and helmet off the hook by the door. I stepped up to him, placing my hand in the crook of his neck as I pulled him in for a quick kiss, murmuring against his lips, "Why don't you take me for a ride, baby?" _

_He growled softly as he kissed me hard, but briefly, before we headed out to the Cullens'. _

***************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

The drive over to the Cullen residence took only ten minutes, and though I'd driven with Jasper on his bike before, this time was different. I held on to him tightly, resting my head against his back. Whenever we were at a stoplight, he would put his hand on mine, squeezing it briefly before driving off again. This drive felt more intimate to me than any drive we'd gone on before. During the summer, we would usually go out on the bike together at least once a week. I had my license to drive it as well, and I was the only person Jasper would allow on his beautiful emerald green and white Triumph Bonneville, so we alternated who drove. Tonight, I simply relished being able to hold him the way I had always wanted to do, so I just focused on that.

During our drive, I realized that we hadn't really discussed the matter of 'us', or what we would tell people. When he pulled up to the front porch of the Cullen residence, I only loosened my hold on him slightly, not ready to relinquish it just yet. He pulled off his helmet and turned around in his seat awkwardly. "Edward?"

I let go of him to remove my helmet, slipping it over my arm so my hands were somewhat free. I stood, though I didn't get off the bike completely, and leaned in to kiss him briefly. "Jasper..." I paused, not entirely sure how to put into words what I was thinking. I tried again, "Jazz, what are we? What do we say to Esme, Carlisle, to everyone?"

He turned a little further so he was better able to look at me and lifted his hand up to cup my cheek. His eyes searched mine, for what I wasn't sure, but his voice was low and his twang more pronounced as he spoke, "I would hope we say that you and I are together. That you are mine, just as I am yours, darlin'. I hope we can tell them that I am your boyfriend, if that is what you wish."

I put my hand over his, holding it to my cheek as I smiled softly at him. My body warmed at his words, and I leaned into him again, whispering against his lips, "There's little I would love more, Jasper."

As I pressed my lips to his, I heard a car pull up behind us, followed shortly by a squeal and the slam of a car door. "Edward!"

I groaned softly as Jasper chuckled and pulled away to greet Alice, the source of the squeal. "Hello Alice, long time no see."

I finally stepped from the bike so I could turn and hug Alice, who stood a foot away, her eyes bouncing from Jasper to me, seemingly torn between shock and joy at having caught us kissing. She hugged me back, surprising me with the fierceness of it. I just held her close, swaying back and forth slightly. Neither of us spoke as we stood there. I looked up at Jasper as I felt his hand on my shoulder, then down at Alice as we both heard her sniffle.

I kept whispering quietly into her hair, "Shh, Alice, honey, it's okay. It'll all be okay, shh..."

She pulled away after a little while, looking up at me with tears streaking her cheeks. She gave me a watery smile and nodded as she spoke, looking again between Jasper and me. "You're right; it will be. I'm sorry; I'm being silly."

She wiped her tears away and turned to hug Jasper, who held her tight, his eyes on mine. Both of us knew her well enough to realize she was trying to put up a brave front, and it made everything much more real to me. I knew Jasper was looking to make sure I was alright, so I just nodded at him, and he nodded in turn. As long as I had him, I would be alright, of that I was sure. I put my arm around Alice's shoulders while Jasper did the same, and the three of us walked up to the front door. I turned the knob and raised my voice to announce us, "Esme, Carlisle? We're here."

We walked in as Esme called from the kitchen, "Edward! I'm in the kitchen; come in, come in. Is Jasper with you?"

The three of us stepped into the kitchen, and I walked over to give Esme a hug, which she returned, holding on to me with all her motherly affection. Alice piped up, "Hi Mom, sorry I'm late. I got hung up at a shoot, and Felix wouldn't let me go until everything was done. Did you need help with anything?"

Esme let me go and gave Alice a quick hug, kissing her cheek before answering, "That's alright, dear; I'm glad you made it in time for dinner. Would you mind setting the table for me?"

Alice nodded and walked off to do as she was asked at the same time that Carlisle walked into the kitchen to greet us. He came over and hugged me, and I was vaguely aware of Esme and Jasper hugging behind me. When Carlisle let me go, I turned to see Jasper whispering to Esme, and I wondered what that was about. He kissed her lightly on the cheek, and she nodded and smiled warmly up at him. I looked back at Carlisle, and he just shrugged at me as he said, "Sorry, Son, your guess is as good as mine."

Jasper turned around at this and chuckled softly, shaking his head, "It's nothin', darlin', don't worry about it."

I frowned slightly, but quickly forgot about it as he came up to me and kissed me briefly. I looked at him with widened eyes as he whispered to me, "Was just telling her that I'd be sure to take good care of you, darlin'. That's all."

I blushed a little as I turned my eyes to Esme and Carlisle, who both seemed somewhat amused at the scene before them. Jasper just gave me that impish grin of his, and I sighed, giving him a small kiss as I put my arm around his waist. Esme raised an eyebrow at me, and I smiled at her as I told her that Jasper and I had finally gotten together. Alice had stepped into the kitchen again at this point, and she stood with her hands on her hips and a grin on her face as she spoke up, "Well it's about bloody time, you two!"

Esme nodded in agreement and added, "Well, at least something good's coming from this then." She gave me a pointed look.

"Yes, well..." I sighed and continued, "You know what they say, right? Better late than never?"

"Indeed." Carlisle said as he grabbed Alice by the shoulders and gave her a gentle push to the door, following closely behind her. "Come on; let's sit down."

Esme shoo'ed Jasper and me out of the kitchen so she could finish making dinner, so we followed Carlisle and Alice to the living room. Jasper and I sat down on the loveseat together, while Alice and Carlisle sat on the couch. Alice watched us closely as Jasper put his arm around my shoulders. It felt kind of strange to have him be so open, but it also made my heart swell as I realized that I was getting what I had dreamed of for so long.

Before long Esme called us to the table, and we all went into the dining room. When I saw the food spread out on the table, I had to swallow hard to stop myself from crying. Esme had prepared some of my favorite comfort foods, from her meatloaf to her parmesan-mashed potatoes and gravy to creamed corn. I knew she had chosen these dishes because I might not be able to enjoy food during treatment, and it made me love her all the more. I stepped over to her and pulled her into a tight hug as I whispered, "Thank you, Esme."

She patted my back gently as she said softly, "You're welcome, dear. Now come; let's eat before all this food goes cold! Carlisle, would you say grace?"

We each sat down at the table, and I tried to pull myself together as Carlisle spoke, though as I heard his words, the tears came silently, all the same.

"Father, thank you for bringing together our family today and blessing us with this opportunity to enjoy one another. Father, I ask that you walk with Edward on his journey and bless us with his healing. I also ask that you give Jasper and our family the strength to uphold him during the tough roads we are sure to travel during this time. I ask that you provide his doctors the knowledge to see the path that will take Edward to healing. As we take this journey, I ask that you provide Edward the solace in knowing that we are with him and that he is loved and cherished by us all. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen."

A chorus of "Amen"'s filled the room, and Carlisle looked up at me and nodded as I took a deep breath to steady myself. I felt Jasper give my thigh a brief squeeze before he grabbed the meatloaf, holding it up for me to dish up. Once everyone had food on their plates, we had light conversations. Alice was telling us about some of the shoots that she'd been on lately, every now and again casting me a half glance. I kept mostly quiet, still quite emotional and unwilling to disrupt dinner with any display of distress on my part.

After we were done eating, Jasper and I helped Esme clear the table, ignoring her protests as we rinsed the dishes and put them in the dishwasher for her. I chuckled as she shook her head and huffed before turning to start the coffee for dessert. She shepherded us back to the living room and sat next to Carlisle on the sofa. Alice sat curled up in the chair and a half opposite the loveseat, which Jasper and I took again. It felt good to just be with those I loved, and part of me was glad that no one really had brought up the reason for us being here tonight, aside from Carlisle's prayer before dinner.

It felt, though, as if there was a white elephant in the room, one that I refused to ignore any longer. I leaned forward and glanced at Jasper, who seemed to understand what I was thinking as he nodded, placing his hand on my back, rubbing it gently. I closed my eyes briefly, resting my elbows on my knees and clasping my hands in front of me. I slowly opened my eyes, looking at them each in turn as I spoke, "Thank you, all of you."

I rubbed my face before resuming the same position again and continuing, "I know that this is hard for you as well. It was hard thirteen years ago, and it'll likely be harder this time." I glanced at Carlisle, who nodded in agreement.

"I can't tell you how much it means to me to know that you're here for me, that I won't be going through this alone. I'll be honest..." I took a deep breath to try and keep my emotions in check, "I'm scared out of my wits by this and I know that you're all worried, too. I told Jasper already, and I want to tell you, too. I _will_ fight this. I'm not ready to give up on life. Especially not now."

Jasper had shifted forward as I was talking, putting his hand over mine. I couldn't help but lean into him a little; he truly was my rock. Esme stood up and walked over to me. She knelt down and wrapped her arms around me, holding me close as a mother would. Jasper slid his hand off to allow me to wrap my arms around Esme. She murmured softly, "Edward, we love you so much. It tears me up inside to know you're having to go through this again, after everything you've already had to face. We're all here for you; you won't be alone. Anything you need, honey, alright?"

"Thank you, Esme, I love you, too."

We sat like that for several minutes before she leaned back and kissed me lightly on the forehead, whispering softly, "Your parents would be so proud of you, Edward."

I just nodded, unable to speak for fear of crying again. Esme got up slowly to take a seat next to Carlisle again. I took a few moments to collect myself before addressing him, "Carlisle, when can we get together to discuss what's going to happen next?"

He watched me briefly before responding, "I figured you would want to get things over with sooner rather than later, so I asked Aro to come and meet us the day after tomorrow around 10 a.m., if that's okay with you? He's the best oncologist on staff at the hospital."

"I don't mind; thank you. Jasper and I will be there."

A small smile flitted over his lips as he nodded. Esme turned to Carlisle then and asked him to help with coffee and dessert. They got up and went to the kitchen, leaving the three of us to ourselves.

Alice, who had thus far been quiet, sat up with a thoughtful expression. She'd been watching Jasper and me closely all night, and I was wondering what was going through her mind. She tilted her head a little as she spoke softly, "Edward..." she paused for a moment, assumingly to collect her thoughts, "we had a couple come in a few weeks ago to the studio." She looked down at her hands, which were clasped on her lap and continued, "They were expecting a baby, and both of them had just been diagnosed with cancer. They had their pictures taken, to remember the good times by, so they'd always be able to see the other as they were while they were still whole."

She looked up at me then, smiling softly. "I thought maybe you and Jasper might like to consider doing something like that, too?"

I sat back, leaning against Jasper as I thought this over, my head resting against his shoulder. He put his arm around my shoulders, hugging me to him. _Pictures of us might not be a bad idea. I want him to have something to remember me by, if I don't make it. Something to look at and see me now, and not after chemo's taken its toll. _I shifted slightly, looking at Jasper who was watching me. He smiled tenderly at me and spoke softly, "What do you think, darlin'?"

"I think I'd like that." I kissed him lightly before turning to Alice again, "How would it work; who'd be taking the pictures?"

"That depends on you, really. You could go to the studio and have formal pictures taken, or you could have someone be around on certain occasions to take candids as well as on-site formals. As for who, that's up to you as well. I am sure you could hire Felix to do either option, or if you prefer, I could do it. Your choice."

I looked back at Jasper again, to see what he thought of it. He placed a kiss on my temple and murmured, "I don't know about you, but I for one would be much more comfortable with Alice. And I like the idea of candids as well as formals. What do you say?"

I nodded, turning to Alice, "Thanks, Alice. We'd love for you to take them, if you're up for it."

Alice jumped up from her seat and was almost instantly at my side, sitting on the arm rest of the loveseat as she threw her arms around my neck. "Are you kidding me? I'd be honored to, Edward. I promise, I will do my best and give you something beautiful to keep." She kissed my cheek before letting go and moving over to Jasper, giving him a hug and kiss on the cheek as well. I heard him murmur a "Thank you," as he kissed her cheek in return.

Esme and Carlisle walked in with a tray each, putting them down on the coffee table. Carlisle passed out the coffee, while Esme handed out small plates with strawberry shortcake, one of my favorite desserts. She just smiled softly at me and patted my arm as she gave me my plate. I sipped my coffee before putting it to the side and tucking into the deliciousness of the strawberry shortcake. Esme always baked from scratch, and as usual, it didn't disappoint. I let out a small moan of contentment, and I felt Jasper nudge my leg with his. I looked over at him and noticed he had a hard time keeping a straight face as he winked at me. I just rolled my eyes and went back to my dessert.

We sat and chatted for another hour or so before calling it a night. Jasper noticed I was getting tired, though I'd been trying hard not to show it. Before we left, I gave everyone another hug, promising I'd take care of myself.

Jasper drove us home again, and I was very happy to have him to myself finally. It seemed he felt the same way, because as soon as we had both removed our jackets and shoes, he grabbed me by the belt loops and pulled me close to him, kissing me hungrily. As our hard bodies met, my hands slid over his chest. They became entwined in his hair, clutching him to me. _God, I love kissing him. _We stood for several minutes, just savoring the feel of our lips moving together and letting our tongues dance in such ways that stirred in the pit of my stomach. I pressed myself closer to him, my fingers tightening in his hair.

He pulled away after awhile with a satisfied hum, smiling, his eyes alight as he turned us around and started walking us to the bedroom. I arched a brow as he kept me walking backwards, but he just shrugged and kept planting kisses on my lips as he navigated us safely to the bed. I didn't care, as long as he was going to be in bed with me, as long as we were finally going to be together, to show our love for one another. Once there, he let go of me and started to unbutton my shirt slowly, his eyes on mine. I felt the pull and tug of each button as it was released from its binding. My eyes never left his. His impish grin was on his lips as he murmured softly, "I have plans for you, darlin'." With almost infuriating slowness, his lips began to trace the lines of my neck. I loved the idea of plans. My only plans included him, me, and damp, sweaty sheets.

"Plans, you say?"

He slipped my shirt off of my shoulders, letting it drop to the ground. I moaned softly as I felt his fingertips ghost over my pecs, teasing my nipples before trailing down my abs. His hands were soft, not feminine soft, but not rough or calloused. They felt so good against my skin. He slowly unbuckled my belt, pulling it agonizingly slowly out of my jeans before dropping it onto the floor. That's where I wanted all of our clothes to be, lying on the bedroom floor. Then, he began to work on ridding me of my jeans. _Thank God, more clothes on the floor. _I moved to start removing his shirt, but he swatted my hands away playfully. "You'll get your chance another time, Edward. Tonight is mine."

I think I whimpered at the determination behind his words, or it could have been due to the fact that while he was talking, he had put his hand down the front of my jeans, cupping my straining erection. I moved my hips, thrusting lightly as he caressed it, again marveling at the feel of his soft hands. Then, he began lowering my jeans. His every move was slow and teasing. It was a fucking turn on - like nothing else, like no one else. His hands brushed against my legs as he knelt down in front of me, lifted one foot and slipped both sock and jeans off before doing the same with the other. Watching him undress me like this left no room for awkwardness on my part; it just made me feel loved, wanted, cared for.

He trailed his fingers back up my legs, placing his hands on my hips as he looked up at me with a crooked grin. My breath hitched as he leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on my hard on through my underwear. I ran my fingers through his hair, my eyes intent on his as he hooked his thumbs into my boxer briefs and pulled them down, freeing my cock, which twitched at the feel of Jasper's breath washing over it. After having me step out of my briefs, he placed his hands on my hips again.

I felt his feather light touch across my skin before he placed several open mouthed kisses from the head down my shaft and back again. The feel of his warm lips on my skin was amazing, and I gasped. He got up, pushing me gently onto the bed before quickly discarding his own clothes. _More clothes on the floor_, I thought, trying not to smile. He leaned over me, kissing me, whispering against my lips, "Yes, Edward, plans. And they include condoms…" he kissed me again, a long, languid meeting of our lips,"…and lube..." He arched a brow in a silent question.

I flashed him a wide, excited smile and pointed to the bedside table. He placed another kiss on my lips before reaching over and taking out the condoms and lube. He set them within easy reach before hovering back over me. His eyes bore into mine as he spoke softly, "I want you to let go tonight, darlin'. Just feel good and enjoy what's happening, and maybe, just maybe, we can get around to that ride you were talking about earlier."

I nodded, cupping his cheek with my hand, my thumb caressing his lower lip. He smiled, grabbing my hand, turning his head to the side to place a kiss in the palm of it. He put my hand up over my head while leaning into me, kissing me soundly. I moaned when I felt his cock rub against mine, and I had a fleeting thought that this couldn't be happening, couldn't be real. I had wanted him in this way for so long; it had to be a dream. The friction caused by him bucking his hips quickly chased those thoughts away though. It certainly _felt_ real.

His lips left mine, moving along my jaw, nipping and kissing along the way to my ear. He suckled on my earlobe briefly before whispering, "I love you, Edward." The feeling of his breath fanning over my ear sent shivers down my spine as I said, "I love you, Jasper." My voice was low and husky with a hunger, with a driving need for him.

He began to leave open mouthed kisses down my neck, biting softly every so often, and I tilted it to allow him easier access. While his lips were blazing a trail along my skin, his hand was ghosting across my arm, to my pecs, teasing my nipples. They hardened, deepening my arousal for him; I pressed my hips against him, desperate for the contact. He was leaning on one arm, trying to keep his full weight off of me. He moved slowly down, his lips and fingers never leaving my skin. He circled each nipple in turn with his tongue before biting them gently. I moaned, unable to contain it, and arched my back. My entire body was on fire; I felt more alive than I had ever felt. I never wanted it to stop, and I needed, craved more from him.

I could feel him smirk against my sensitive skin, amused by my response. He continued his teasing for a little while before moving ever so slowly downward, not leaving an inch of my pecs and abs undiscovered or untouched. When he finally made it down to my groin, he raised his eyes to me as he let his tongue travel along my V, brushing against my cock as he did so. I hissed at his teasing touch, trying not to push my aching sex up into his mouth. I was craving friction by then and was fast getting to the point of not being above begging him for it. "Jasper..."

Before I could say anything else, I felt the flat of his tongue travel the length of my shaft. I gasped as he placed his lips around my head and teased it with the tip of his tongue. I was clawing at the sheets, letting out low, keening moans as he slowly took me further and further into his mouth. _Oh God... _I spread my legs farther apart, bracing them against the bed. I felt my fingernails scraping the soft cotton fibers beneath them as I wrenched the sheets in my shaking hands.

"Jazz...fuck..." My eyes rolled back in my head when I felt his hot mouth surround my needy cock. His lips pressed against the base, almost flush with the curly auburn hair in front of them. Then, he began to move. His head bobbed up and down in a slow and steady motion. Alternating between sucking and curling his tongue around my shaft, I found that I was unable to think of anything but how it felt. I ran my fingers through his hair, needing that connection with him and feeling like he was taking me to the brink of insanity.

I loved the way he made me feel. For a little while, I could forget about the nightmare that my life was starting to become. I could just concentrate on the feeling of his lips and his tongue, and not on what would happen tomorrow or six months from now. I spread my legs farther apart, and he moved his mouth down to tease between my legs. My back arched, and I moaned, my fingers tightening in his hair. I pulled my knees up, my feet planted on the mattress.

As his lips encircled my cock again, I pushed my hips up, sliding easily into his mouth. He held his head still as I thrust into his mouth over and over, feeling him moan around me at my enthusiasm. After a few minutes, I had to stop him; I didn't want to let go like that. I wanted for him to make love to me. We had waited so long to be together like this; it had to be special...it had to be an expression of how we felt about each other.

Taking his hand, I pulled him up on top of me, wrapping my legs around his waist. He put his arms around me with his hands under my shoulders. His head rested on my shoulder, his lips against my neck. "Make love to me, Jasper," I murmured into his ear. He nodded and, pushing up onto his elbow, reached over to the table and grabbed the lube and the condoms. Once we were both ready, he wrapped his arms around me.

"You are everything to me," he said softly, and I tightened my grip on his shoulders. He met my eyes and held them as he reached down between us, and I felt him pressing into me. It had been a little while since I'd been with anyone, so once he penetrated me, he held still. I took deep breaths, waiting for the burning to stop. I assured him that I was okay, and then he started to move. After a minute, I started to move, too. It felt so fucking good; I pushed my hips up to meet him, needing to feel him deeper within me. I loved the way he held me as we made love. I loved the sounds he made in my ear. I loved being so incredibly close to him like this. He kissed me hard as he drove into me again and again. My cock, trapped between us, rubbed against his stomach, but I needed more. I pushed him back just a little and slid my hand between us. My cock was so hard in my hand. Slowly, I started to stroke myself. At first, I moved my hand in time with his thrusts into me, but as things started to tighten, my hand sped. I squeezed tighter, bucking my hips.

"Oh… yeah… …so good… Jasper…" I whimpered, my thoughts fragmented and disjointed in the intense pleasure of it. My left hand moved up to fist the back of his hair as I pumped myself harder. As my climax hit, my whole body tensed, and I tightened around him. He stopped moving, just holding himself inside me, making my orgasm that much more intense. I cried out as it ripped through me, throwing my head back against the pillow as my body arched up into his. Unable to hold back any longer, he gave one final, hard thrust, burying himself deep within me as he came, his cry muffled into my shoulder.

Jasper held me close as we both caught our breath, staying where he was, and I relished the feel of him seemingly everywhere. The weight, warmth, and mere presence of him was such a welcome feeling, one long sought-after and hoped for, and now it was mine. _He_ was mine.

Once we'd both calmed down some, he slipped carefully out of me and got up to dispose of the condom. I closed my eyes, putting my arm over them as I tried to hold on to the moment. I felt Jasper cleaning me with a wet cloth; I moved my arm up to my forehead so I could look at him, and I smiled as I saw the look of tenderness on his face as he took care of me.

Once he was done, he got rid of the wet cloth and crawled back into bed with me. He pulled the covers over us after I snuggled up to him, our legs entangled and my head resting on his shoulder. I turned my face, nuzzling his neck, and stifled a yawn. I both heard and felt him chuckle softly as he ran his fingers through my hair. He kissed my forehead tenderly before murmuring softly, "Tomorrow, darlin'. Go to sleep now."

_'Tomorrow, darlin'_. Those words felt like a promise from him, and I drifted off to sleep with a smile on my lips at the thought of many tomorrows with him.

*******************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

A/N: the above lemon was in part brought to you by DefinatelyStaying (thanks again, darlin').


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thank you, rhenea5018 and SorceressCirce for beta'ing this story, **  
**and to drtammy1511 for her help on the medical front. **  
**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. The boys just like to come and play with me ^_~**

* * *

_Once he was done, he got rid of the wet cloth and crawled back into bed with me. He pulled the covers over us after I snuggled up to him, our legs entangled and my head resting on his shoulder. I turned my face, nuzzling his neck, and stifled a yawn. I both heard and felt him chuckle softly as he ran his fingers through my hair. He kissed my forehead tenderly before murmuring softly, "Tomorrow, darlin'. Go to sleep now."_ _  
_

'Tomorrow, darlin'._ Those words felt like a promise from him, and I drifted off to sleep with a smile on my lips at the thought of many tomorrows with him._

* * *

I was slowly waking up - still in that half-asleep, half-awake state - and feeling both very comfortable and sore in all the right places. Part of me wondered if I'd just had a really, _really_ vivid dream. I shifted a little, my thigh brushing up against...my eyes snapped open to see Jasper in all his naked glory lying halfway on his side, still fast asleep. Where he was halfway on his back, I'd somehow managed to turn halfway on my stomach. Now that I was awake, I couldn't fathom how I had been comfortable during the night, but then again, being this close to Jasper was comfort enough.

I carefully moved to lie on my side fully so I could face him, trying not to wake him as I did. Glancing over at my alarm clock, I saw that it was really early still - too early to be getting up, not that I was of any mind to do so, regardless. The memories of last night came flooding back, and I smiled as I recalled how he had taken care of me. He had wanted me to just let go, and I had. Being with him - finally, after all these years - had been better than I could have ever imagined.

And believe me, I'd imagined plenty over the years.

Fighting the urge to touch him, I settled for just watching him sleep. He looked peaceful, happy, and I hoped that I had some part in that. Sighing softly, my mind began to wander to what was to come. Part of me didn't like that there was the chance Jasper would be left behind. I _would_ fight, but there were no guarantees, and I knew that. So did he. And yet he still wanted me. I loved him for that.

I knew that, should I lose this fight, Jasper would be okay, at least as far as resources went. He was well off, had a well paying job and a place of his own. He had - to my knowledge - little to no debt. In short, he would be just fine, with or without me. I had long ago put him in my will. As my best friend, I had wanted to leave him something at least, especially since I no longer had any family of my own and probably never would have. But now...

Now I wanted to do more. I wanted him to have all of me. I knew he'd fight me on that. He wouldn't want me to do that for him, simply because he didn't need it. He'd want _me_, not what I had. He'd always been that way.

I resolved to call my lawyer later today. I wanted to take care of this before I got too sick. With a sigh, I realized I would also need to talk to him about other papers I would have to these, I wanted to discuss with Jasper. I knew I would need a medical proxy, if I were unable to make decisions myself. Carlisle would do it, if he had to; I knew that, too.

_It's an awful lot to put on his shoulders. Is it even fair to him? Is any of this? _I sighed again, lifting my hand to carefully brush his cheek with the back of my fingers. He gave the smallest of grunts at the contact, his face twitching slightly but he didn't wake up. I smiled as I continued to watch him. I owed it to him to at least give him the option to be my proxy. I wouldn't dismiss him for the role, not if he truly would be my partner in life. He deserved the right to decide for himself if he wanted that burden.

_My partner._

I bit my lip at the thought, my heart swelling as it hit me again that my dreams were dreams no more. Jasper was here with me; he loved me just as I loved him. I could finally touch him, without having to worry about overstepping my boundaries as a friend. He was mine, now. And I was his: mind, body, and soul.

My eyes roamed over his sleeping form, my fingers soon following, unable to resist any longer. My fingers ghosted along his arms and up his side, tracing small circles over his chest, ever smaller until finally brushing against his nipple. His breathing had become more irregular at every touch, indicating he was waking up, and I let my eyes rise to find his fluttering open.

He raised both arms above his head, arching his back and stretching, before settling back down as he gave me a lazy grin. He lifted his hand, palm up, and crooked his finger in a 'come hither' motion. _Who am I to resist?_ I leaned over, my hand resting on his chest as I hovered over him. He put his hand on the nape of my neck, his fingers weaving into my hair as he pulled me closer for a slow, tender kiss.

My eyes closed as I hummed my pleasure. Jasper pulled away, chuckling softly before placing a small kiss on the tip of my nose. His hand traveled down my back and was soon followed by his other as he wrapped me in his arms. I snuggled closer to him, nestling my head into the crook of his neck, kissing his pulsepoint tenderly as I murmured, "Good morning, love."

He tightened his arms slightly, stifling a yawn. "Mornin' darlin'. How did you sleep?"

I grinned against his skin, murmuring softly, "I'd say 'like a baby', but I hear those don't sleep through the night very much."

He chuckled again as he turned his head and kissed my temple lightly. "I take it that means you slept well then. Must've tired you out last night."

His voice was an equal mix of cocky and amused, though I thought there was something else there, as well. Something I couldn't be sure to place. Instead of trying to figure it out, I decided to ignore it for now. There were other...things... I could focus my thoughts on. Like the gorgeous man in my bed.

I ran my nose along his jaw, humming softly. When I got to his chin, I nipped playfully at it as I gazed into his eyes. "You can tire me out like that any time, love."

I could feel his chest rumble as he growled softly, pulling me all the way up on top of him as his lips found mine hungrily. Shifting a little to get more comfortable resulted in our cocks rubbing together, causing us both to moan. Before long, we were both lost in the steady rhythm of kissing, thrusting, and touching. Somewhere in the back of my mind I had the faint notion that this was how it should be, how it would be from now on.  
_  
Just us. _

We spent the next hour or two in bed, our bodies intertwined as we made love the way we'd both longed to do for years – though we'd never had the courage to share those desires. It felt like such a gift, this new ability to express my love for Jasper in all ways as I whispered my devotion in his ear while he thrust into me. He murmured his own declarations in return, and I had never felt so whole before, so right.

When our bodies were finally spent, we roused ourselves. We took a shower together, taking turns washing the other, always touching, caressing, connecting. It amazed me how normal it felt; we were falling in sync with each other even more than we already had been.

Jasper went to make breakfast, telling me to relax on the couch. I rolled my eyes at him and followed him into the kitchen, just to be near him and watch him work. I'd still not gone shopping, so there weren't a lot of options, but he found some tortilla wraps and sausage, and he used the last eggs to make us a couple of breakfast burritos.

He joined me at the bar where I'd taken a seat, putting a plate with a burrito in front of me with a soft smile. We ate in comfortable silence, both of us stealing glances at the other, grinning and rolling our eyes as we got caught. _Like being a freaking teenager all over again_. I chuckled softly at the thought, which earned me a raised eyebrow from Jasper as he popped the last of his burrito in his mouth.

Grinning, I just shook my head as I finished off my burrito as well. I got up, grabbing both our plates, and walked to the sink, making quick work of the few dishes that had been used. I hated leaving them for later. Just as I rinsed the last of the dishes and put it in the rack, I felt Jasper's arms snake around my waist. Leaning into him, I turned my head, smiling at him as I put my arms over his, holding him closer to me.

His lips caught mine, and we stood for a while, just enjoying the moment. Eventually, he pulled away with a soft hum, pecking my lips once before he spoke in a low voice. "So what are your plans for today, darlin'?"

I thought about that for a moment, resting my head against his shoulder as I did.

"Need to get some groceries, for one."

I grinned at him briefly, then sighed as I remembered what else I'd resolved to do today. I coaxed his arms away from me so I could turn around and look at him, holding both his hands in mine as I searched his eyes. Without another word, I started walking to the living room, pulling him behind me and guiding him to sit next to me on the couch. He looked somewhat confused but gave me the time I needed to get my thoughts together.

Frowning, I stared down at our hands, which were now entwined and resting between us.

_How the hell do you bring something like this up? 'Hey honey, would you like to decide whether I live or die if I'm no longer able to decide for myself?'_

_Yeah, that'd go over swimmingly, I'm sure..._

_Fuck!  
_  
"Edward?"

Jasper's soft voice startled me out of my thoughts, and I looked up at him. He was watching me with concern, and I realized I'd been quiet for a lot longer than I'd intended to be. I gave him a tentative smile, my voice low as I spoke. "Sorry, I just..."

I sighed, releasing one hand so I could run my fingers through my hair, and ended up leaning my arm on the back of the couch with my fingers entangled in my hair instead.

"Jasper...I don't quite know how to say this; it's all kinds of messed up, but I know you deserve the choice..."

He squeezed my hand to stop my rambling. "What is it, Edward?"

I took a deep breath, leveling my eyes with his. _Here goes nothing. _

"Jazz, I'm going to call my lawyer today to make sure all my paperwork's in order before all this starts. I'm going to have him draw up papers for a medical proxy as well, just in case. I was wondering..."

I took another deep breath, puffing my cheeks as I let it out in one big gust.

"You were wondering if I would be your medical proxy," he finished; there was no question in his voice.

Nodding, my eyes searched his. He gazed steadily at me, though his eyes alluded to the storm raging inside of him. Neither of us spoke for several minutes, and I was at a loss as to what to think.

When he didn't speak after a while, I found myself getting nervous. I rubbed my hand over my face and sighed, my voice barely making it above a whisper as I spoke. "Jasper, you don't have to. I understand if you'd rather not...I'll ask Carlisle if..."

I could not bring myself to finish as an image of me in a hospital bed came to my mind. It was so clear, it scared me. I could see me - unconscious and unresponsive - Carlisle and the others hovering at the foot of my bed, Jasper sitting next to it as he held my hand, a doctor asking him if he wanted to keep life support going or turn it off.

I drew a shuddering breath, closing my eyes tight as I turned my face away from him, trying desperately to keep from losing it. "I can't..."

In an instant, I felt Jasper's arms around me, pulling me to him as he settled us both back against the couch, running his hand over my back in soothing strokes as he murmured words of comfort and love. It took a moment for me to realize that I'd started shaking again and that tears were quietly running down my face. _I can't keep doing this; I _can't _keep losing it every time._

I leaned into him further, trying to take deep, steadying breaths to calm myself as I allowed Jasper to soothe my worries. Once I'd sufficiently calmed down enough to speak, I looked up at him as I placed my hand on his cheek, whispering, "I'm sorry."

He gazed into my eyes for a moment; I could see worry there - and fear, I thought. He swallowed hard before he spoke. "Edward, what can't you do?"

I pulled back a little to look at him, frowning, not entirely sure what he meant. When he saw my confusion, he elaborated, though his voice was so low I had to strain to hear it. "Just now, you said 'I can't', and then you apologized. Why? What can't you do? I thought..." He was the one to turn his face away then, unable to finish his sentence.

My eyes widened as realization hit me. _No, no...he thinks I regret being with him? God no._ I pulled away out of his arms and scrambled to straddle his lap, grabbing his face in both my hands, forcing him to look at me. I gazed intently at him for a moment, and the hurt in his eyes nearly rendered me incapable of speaking.

"Jazz, I love you. _You_. I'm not sure I could give you up even if I wanted to, and I don't. I'm sorry I lost it just now. _That _was what I was apologizing for."

I sighed softly as I both felt and saw Jasper visibly relax at my words. I placed a tender kiss on his forehead before continuing, my eyes intent on his as I felt his hands rest on my hips.

"As for the other thing...I can't ask you to be my proxy. The idea of you having to possibly make that kind of decision...I can't put that on you. I can't _ask _that of you. But I also can't deny that you have the right as my partner to have the option. It's going to have to be your decision, and you are going to have to tell me what you want. I can ask Carlisle, if you don't want to deal with it. I'll understand, love." I paused, my voice lower as I spoke again, "I don't know that I'd be able to do it, if I were in your shoes. To make that kind of a decision for you, if you lived or..." I trailed off, unable to finish my sentence as I felt the lump in my throat and saw Jasper's eyes tighten.

We stared at each other for a while, my thumbs gently rubbing back and forth along his cheekbones as the words hung in the air between us. Finally, he nodded and slipped his arms around my waist, pulling me closer to him. I wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him tightly to me. I tilted my head a little, my lips brushing against his ear as I whispered softly, "Don't think for a second I could ever regret us, Jazz. You've got my heart, baby, and I have a strict 'no return policy' when it comes to you."

I grinned as I pressed my lips to his neck, right under his ear, and I could feel him chuckling softly as he hugged me tighter. He gave a deep sigh as he pulled his head back far enough to be able to look at me; his expression softened as he gave me a lazy grin. "Partner, huh?"

I nodded, sitting up a little straighter so we were both more comfortable.

His grin widened, his voice low as he spoke again. "I think I like the sound of that. C'mere..."

He put his hand on my neck to guide me forward, tilting my head slightly, kissing me languorously. We sat like that for a while, and for a long moment I forgot what we had been talking about. My every sense was absorbed with Jasper. The one thought that came to mind was, _How does he do that? _

Finally, he pulled away with a sigh, smiling softly at me as he placed his hand on my cheek. I leaned into his touch, closing my eyes and feeling very content. He stroked his thumb across my cheekbone, and I opened my eyes to see his gazing into mine as he whispered, "You've got mine, too, darlin'. And I don't want it back again. It's yours to take with you wherever you go."

My throat constricted with emotion as I nodded; I couldn't speak. What was I supposed to say to that? Instead, I put my hand over his heart before kissing him again, and I felt his hand slip to the back of my head, his fingers digging into my hair.

After a few minutes, I rested my forehead against his with a sigh. "I love you, Jasper."

It felt so good to be able to say it; I didn't think I'd be able to stop telling him or showing him. And I didn't want to, now that I could.

He grinned. "I love you, too, Edward. But as much as I would love to stay here and just hold you in my arms all day, I know there are things that need to be taken care of."

He wrapped his arms around my waist, and I leaned back, pouting a little. He laughed as he caught my expression and shook his head.

"Darlin', if you want to have something to eat later, at the very least we'll need to go shopping. You are right, though. You need to talk to your lawyer, make sure everything is in order." He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly before he continued. "Have him draw up those papers. I will be your proxy on one condition. You be mine, too. I've already told you, you never know what's going to happen, and it's a good idea to have something like that, just in case. Are you okay with that?"

I just blinked as I sat there, absorbing his words. He put his hands on my hips, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles on them as he awaited my answer. _Could I do that? Would I be able to make that kind of decision for him?_ His gaze was steady as he looked at me, that quiet strength he had always been able to lend me coming through as I realized that, for this man, I could and would do anything.

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm okay with that. Thank you."

He rolled his eyes, shaking his head. "No need to thank me for that, Edward. As I said, it's a good idea to have something like that in place. For both of us."

Nodding again, I sighed. "Yeah, you're right. I suppose I'd better call Jason and get the ball rolling."

Jason Jenks had been my family's lawyer for years. He'd taken care of all the details after my mother had died and had helped me over the years with the estate and various other things as well. He would be the one to take care of matters if and when I passed away.

Reluctantly, I moved to get up, only to find myself being crushed against Jasper's chest. My eyes widened in surprise, but my arms quickly went around his shoulders, hugging him back. He released me with a sigh though I stayed where I was, looking at him. "Are you alright?"

He nodded, running his fingers through his hair. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just needed to hold you close."

He smiled apologetically , and I chuckled softly, winking at him as I thought back to yesterday when I'd pulled him close after my nap. "I know how you feel."

His hands were on my thighs, and he squeezed them once before letting me get up with a grin. I ran my fingers through his hair before grabbing the phone and dialing Jason's number as I walked to the bedroom. In no time at all, I had filled Jason in on what was going on and what I needed for him to do. He told me that he would have everything ready in a few days and asked me when I would be able to come in and sign everything, as well as go over all the changes to my will. He also reminded me that Jasper would have to come in as well, to sign the medical proxy papers. After checking with Jasper, I made an appointment for the following Wednesday morning.

I hung up, feeling both relieved that this was being taken care of and unsettled at the same time. I knew it was the right thing to do, to get my will put in order, especially considering I had no family. Just the feeling of working on what would happen at the end of my life, coupled with knowing that the end was a very real possibility in the near future...

I sighed, staring at the phone in my hands for a while before Jasper came to check up on me. He sat down next to me on the bed, slipping an arm around my waist as he pressed his lips to my temple. I leaned my head on his shoulder, my hand finding its way to his thigh, resting lightly on it. Closing my eyes, I just sat, letting his presence soothe me again.

Jasper didn't say anything, just sat with me, occasionally pressing his lips to my hair, his thumb gently rubbing my side. After a few minutes, I lifted my head to look at him. "Thank you. How do you always know when to do that? To just sit with me? Most anyone else would have tried to cheer me up, telling me whatever they thought I might want or need to hear. You never do."

He raised his free hand, the backs of his fingers grazing the side of my face tenderly as he gave me a soft smile. "I've known you for a long time, darlin'. I just... know."

He shrugged, as if that explained everything. I leaned in, brushing my lips against his as I murmured, "It's always been one of the many things I love about you."

He kissed me briefly before humming, "One of many, you say?"

"Mhmm. The list's too long to get into. Suffice it to say that I love you for being you."

He chuckled and winked. "Well, I'm certainly glad to hear that. I don't know how to be anyone else."

I laughed. An honest to goodness all out belly laugh. It was good to just laugh; it felt like I hadn't done so in a long time. I turned around and wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him close as I kissed his cheek. "Don't ever change, Jasper."

He nuzzled my neck as he hugged me back. "I wasn't plannin' to, darlin'."

He sighed as he let me go and got up, holding his hand out to pull me up. "C'mon, we've got some shopping to do if you expect to be gettin' lunch any time soon."

"Ugh! Do we have to?" I took hold of his hand and tugged, hoping to entice him to sit down again. "I'd much rather stay right here." I smirked at him, raising an eyebrow suggestively as I brushed our hands against his crotch.

He bit his lip in response, groaning softly. "You don't play fair, Masen."

I gave him as innocent a look as I could muster. "Didn't realize I was supposed to, love."

A low growl emanated from him as he suddenly pinned me to the bed, hovering over me, straddling my thighs. He looked as if a storm was brewing behind his eyes; he shifted his hips, causing me to moan. He continued to roll his hips into mine as he kissed me hungrily. My fingers wound in his hair, pulling him closer to me as I returned his kiss with equal fervor.

He shifted slightly, putting his hand between us and cupping my hard-on, squeezing it lightly before unbuckling my belt. As soon as he had unbuttoned my jeans and pulled the zipper down, he had his hand in my briefs, his fingers curling around my cock, stroking it. My neck arched, pressing my head into the bed as my hips bucked up into his hand.

He pulled away, shifting so he sat beside me, his hands at the waistband of both my jeans and underwear. "Up," he commanded; his voice was husky, and I couldn't suppress the shiver that ran through me at that one word. I lifted my hips, and within seconds, both items were pulled off and thrown to the floor. His hands slid up my sides, bunching up the fabric of my shirt before he repeated his command again; I complied eagerly, and the shirt soon followed the way of the rest of my clothes.

His eyes roamed over my body as his fingers teased my nipples. My eyes rolled back, and I moaned at his touch. It never seemed to be enough. Now that I'd had a taste, I found myself wanting more. Always more.

As I bit my bottom lip, feeling his hands ghost over my skin, I knew at least one other taste I wanted. _His_.

I reached up, grabbing each of his wrists in my hands as I pushed him over, crawling on top to straddle him. His legs were dangling off the side of the bed, his feet on the floor, which forced his hips to rise slightly. My bare cock brushed against the rough fabric of his jeans, and I reached down between us, shifting away as I began working on his belt buckle. I caught sight of his wide eyes staring up at me, a small smirk on his lips before I covered those lips with mine. Our kisses were feverish as I worked to remove his pants. I felt his hands helping me and brushed them away, kissing my way to his ear where I murmured, "You said I'd get my chance...I'm taking it now."

"Damn..." his voice was barely more than a whisper, and I smiled at the desire I heard deepening it. He relaxed under my hands then, his eyes drifting shut as I pulled off his clothes and tossed them to the floor. My hands explored his body, fingers tracing curves and palms brushing across planes as I learned him.

As I kissed my way down his abdomen and moved to kneel on the floor, he inhaled sharply, his fingers tangling in my hair and pulling. I growled at the feeling; the tugging awakened something feral in me, some base need for the man in front of me. Any thought of taking things slowly fled my mind, and I wrapped my lips hungrily around his cock, moaning as I licked his head and tasted the salty liquid there. His hips jerked, forcing me to take him deeper, and I did, sliding my lips as close to his base as I could while my tongue moved, teasing him as I sucked.

His gasps and moans spurred me on, and I felt a faint sense of wonder that I could do this to him - I could make him pant and cry out while his hips found a rhythm that matched the motion of my mouth. My hands were on his hips, my fingernails digging into his flesh as I pulled him closer to me. When he sat up, I had to pull back slightly, sitting up straighter as well. One of his hands went to the back of my neck, resting just at my shoulder as his fingertips caressed my upper back.

For a moment, the fingers still in my hair relaxed, brushing through my locks lightly, tenderly. His voice was deep and hoarse, echoing the desire I felt. "Do you have any idea how many times I imagined you just like this?" He broke off, a curse tumbling from his lips as his hips thrust up to meet me. "Fuck. It's even..." He gave a low, desperate moan as I ran the tip of my tongue along the rim of his head before I took him deeply with a moan of my own. "Even better than I thought..." Both hands were knotted in my hair now, his musing pushed away by the exquisite pleasure I was bringing him.

I wrapped my right hand around the base of his cock, moving my lips to the head as I rubbed him. I teased his head with my tongue, licking and sucking as my left hand went to my own cock. My hands moved with the same rhythm, stroking us both in time. I twisted my wrists, my breathing turning to panting as Jasper's hands pulled my hair, directing my speed. His hips began thrusting upward insistently, and I heard a whimper from above that threatened to make me lose control.

I could feel Jasper's thighs tightening, his body clenching as he neared his release. I was not far behind, my own thighs quivering - I was just _so_ close. But at once, I knew I didn't want us to finish this way. I needed him - needed to feel him moving within me, his hands on my hips, his body thrusting into mine, claiming me.

Lifting my head, I ran my tongue along my swollen lips and whispered breathlessly, "Jasper...I need to feel you in me, baby...please..." I released myself though I continued stroking him slowly. When I looked up at him, I saw that his eyes were closed, his head hanging down. At the sound of my voice, they fluttered open, and his hands immediately dropped away from my head. A few strands of my hair remained tangled in his fingers, making me feel slight pain as they were pulled away.

"Hell, yes..." A smile flashed across his face as his hands wrapped around my upper arms, helping me back up onto the bed. Once there, I crawled on my hands and knees across the mattress, leaning down to reach into my nightstand. As I pulled the bottle of lube and a condom from the drawer, I felt Jasper's hands rubbing along my ass before his fingers moved to the front of my thighs, where his grip tightened. He gave a low growl as he pulled me back against him, letting me feel his hard length along my backside.

I bit my lip against the curse threatening to escape and straightened, my back to his chest as I turned my head to face him. His lips met mine fiercely, his arms wrapping around my body, his hands splayed across my chest. I was overcome with the feeling of him everywhere, surrounding me, and it was utter bliss.

I felt something tugging at my hands and realized Jasper was trying to pull the items I'd retrieved from the death grip I had on them. I loosened my fingers, and he broke our kiss, his lips moving instead to my shoulders. He bit me, hard enough to sting, before he kissed the pain away. I could feel his hands moving behind me, and my own hands moved to grip his thighs as my breathing sped with anticipation.

A hot breath brushed my ear as he whispered, "Bend over, darlin'," and I felt his warm hand on my back, urging me forward. I shifted to my hands and knees once more and felt him pressing into me immediately. He entered me slowly but without pause, sheathing himself in one smooth motion. I felt the burn as he stretched me - my body, so unused to this contact, had now been used quite thoroughly in the past day or so - but Jasper's murmured words and his hands roaming my back were enough to soothe the ache.

When I arched my back, encouraging him by rolling my hips, he began thrusting into me, harder and faster than we'd begun before. Gone were the tender caresses and softly spoken words. Those feelings were still there - I knew it, and I knew without a doubt that he did, too - but this was about need. Want. Desperation.

His left hand gripped my hip while his right was on my shoulder, pulling me to him roughly as we both grunted and panted. My head was tossed back, my lips parted as I rocked my hips against him. I heard sounds uttered in his rough voice, but I couldn't make sense of them, so far gone was my mind. He filled me so completely, and the sound of his thighs slapping against mine made me shudder in the most unbelievable way.

His rhythm stuttered for a moment, and I heard a strange snap before his hand reached past my hip, wrapping around my aching cock. I inhaled sharply when I felt the cool lube, but it warmed up quickly as Jasper stroked me, and I was soon overwhelmed with the dual sensations of him moving within me as he touched me. His other hand wrapped around my waist and then pressed upward against my chest, and we sat up together, me kneeling above him as he thrust into me from his knees. His mouth was on me then, his lips kissing my upper back as his tongue traced my shoulder blades. He bit me lightly, his breathing becoming ragged as his hips pounded against me.

I heard him murmuring my name, over and over erratically, as his hands froze. In contrast, his body sped, and he stiffened even more within me just before he cried out, calling my name. His forehead pressed against my back as he took shaky breaths, his hips slowing but never stopping. A smile played on my lips as I realized he'd been unable to control himself, but before I had time to feel too smug, his hand began moving again, stroking me near the head as he kept thrusting into me. The two different speeds soon had me squirming, my body taking over as I rocked my hips into Jasper's hand.

I fell forward, supporting my weight on my arms, my hands in fists pressing into the mattress as my head hung down. I was whimpering when his other hand reached to palm my balls, squeezing and pulling gently, and within just a few more passes, my body tensed in that incomparable way. Jasper stroked me through my orgasm, placing soft kisses along my spine. When I could finally hear over the pulse beating in my ears, his quiet voice was whispering words of love.

All was still and quiet in the room for a long moment, the only sounds those of our uneven breathing. I was on my hands and knees with him just above me, his head turned to the side with his cheek pressed against the middle of my back. I shook my head, muttering, "Damn," under my breath, and he chuckled, lifting his head. He gave my back one more small kiss before he straightened, and I felt his hand brush the back of my thigh as he reached to hold the base of the condom. I didn't like the sense of loss as he slipped away from me, and I fell forward on the bed, lying on my stomach, when he stood.

I listened to the sound of water running in the bathroom and heard him clear his throat. A content smile was on my face when he crawled back in bed beside me, his arm and leg thrown over me. Despite not having done much all day, I yawned, feeling my eyes water. His hand moved to stroke my hair gently, and his voice was quiet when he said simply, "You are amazing."

Humming, I turned my head to face him, smiling. "I could say the same thing."

The soft smile that spread across his face warmed me. I snuggled closer to him, and we just lay there for a while. I must have drifted off because the next thing I knew, Jasper was no longer lying next to me, and I was covered by a sheet. Turning over onto my back, I scrubbed my face, trying to clear my head.

I mumbled, "Jazz?"

I was quiet for a moment, listening to the sounds around me, and it took me a little while to place the soft, intermittent clicking noise I could hear coming out of the living room; the only other discernible sound was the clock ticking. _He must be working on something on his laptop._ I threw the sheets off me with a sigh and got up, wrinkling my nose at the sticky feeling on my skin. I had been too tired to really care earlier, but now I felt the need to take a quick shower, making a mental note to change the bedding before tonight.

After I was done in the shower, I put my jeans back on, foregoing everything else as I went in search of Jasper. I smiled as I walked into the living room, finding him at the table again as he was typing away on his computer. I wasn't sure if he had heard me come in or not - though I was certain he'd have heard me get up and take a shower - so I quietly came up behind him, slipping my arms around his shoulders and nuzzling his neck.

He gave a soft sigh as I placed a kiss below his ear, and he tilted his head slightly to give me more room. My lips brushed against his ear as I whispered teasingly, "Is this going to become a habit of yours? Leaving me alone in bed?"

He placed his hand on my arms where they crossed over his chest as he turned to look at me with an apologetic smile. "Sorry, darlin'. I didn't want to disturb you, 's all. You looked so peaceful."

I grinned, pecking him on the lips. "Thank you for letting me rest. Now..." I glanced at the little clock on his laptop, "if we're ever going to make a proper meal, we should go do some shopping."

I sighed heavily. I really didn't feel like leaving the house, but I knew that living off of take out would not be a good thing. Once in a while, it was okay, but every day?

Jasper chuckled softly, his eyes dancing with mirth as if he knew what was going through my mind. "Yes, we need to get you fed good 'n proper. Though you might want to go put some more clothes on. Not that I mind seeing you like this..." His hand followed my arm up to my neck, caressing it lightly. "But I do believe most places have a dress code to adhere to."

Rolling my eyes, I straightened up, his hand falling to his side as I did. "Fine, fine. Let's get this over with."

By the time I was fully dressed again, Jasper had shut down his computer and was waiting for me by the door, ready to go. Since we would be bringing home groceries, we took my car to the store - not that it was too far away, but it was just easier.

Jasper had grabbed my list of things to get, having added a few items of his own. As we walked around the store, I marveled again at the ease of things between us. We'd never really gone shopping like this before, not even during our college years, and I found that I kind of liked it. Really liked it, actually. Every now and then we'd come across something that would have us talk about what brands we preferred to use over others. And at times we'd poke fun at some of our choices. Like Jasper's now not-so-secret-anymore love of Cocoa Puffs cereal. He had grabbed a box, adding it to the cart without saying anything, and I just stared at him in disbelief. Jasper - the man who ate about as healthy as I did and was vigilant about how he treated his body - confessed to eating the sweet cereal as an occasional treat.

Something about him adding his own day-to-day things to the cart made me pause. I watched Jasper as he checked the different meat choices, though I didn't pay any attention to that. My focus was solely on him as I wondered where we would go from here. Jasper had wanted to stay with me this week so I wouldn't be alone, and so far I was loving the fact that he was with me. I realized at once that I didn't want him to leave after this week was up. It seemed like we'd been dancing around each other for so long, and now that we finally had gotten our act together, I hated the idea of not being able to be with him all the time.

Before, we would hang out regularly enough. We saw each other at least weekly, sometimes several times a week. I wanted more than that though. I wanted every day. Jasper turned around, holding a package of steaks in his hands. He looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "What's wrong?"

He put the meat in the cart before placing his hand on my elbow. I smiled softly at him. "Nothing at all. C'mon, let's get this checked out and get home?"

His eyes tightened a little as he watched me carefully, trying to determine if I was being truthful, I guess. I rolled my eyes at him as I pecked his lips. "Honestly, I'm fine. I'm just ready to get home and have you to myself again." _And to talk. We definitely need to talk. _

He nodded, and before long we were checked out, bagged, and on our way home again. He kept shooting furtive glances at me, and I couldn't help but wonder what was going through his mind. Did he feel the same sense of rightness I did? Did he want to be together every day?

Once we got home, we put all the groceries away, working together quietly, easily. Jasper fixed us a couple of sandwiches for a late lunch, which we ate at the bar again. We didn't talk much while we were eating, and it wasn't until after I'd done the dishes again that he sighed and asked if everything was alright.

I turned around, leaning back against the counter and reaching for him. He stepped up to me, and I spread my legs a little so he could stand between them. I put my hands on his hips, and he rested his hands at my elbows, gazing down on me. Worrying my bottom lip, I searched his eyes, trying to figure out how to say what I wanted to say without sounding like a complete idiot again, or worse, like an insecure teenager confessing his crush.

"Jasper?" I sighed, feeling stupid and insecure. Why was this so hard? I knew what I wanted; I knew I loved him and he me. I frowned at myself, lowering my eyes as well as my voice as I continued. "Do you feel it, too? When we went shopping, when we're together...everything has felt so right."

He put his finger under my chin, lifting my face up to so I was able to see his eyes. His voice was soft and tender as he spoke, a smile playing on his lips. "Yeah, I do, darlin'. Why do you ask?"

Grasping his hand and holding it to my heart, I let out a slow breath. "Because I don't want to let you go. I don't want to be without you anymore. I don't want to wake up alone and not have you here to hold. I want to come home...to you."

My eyes continued to search his, and I wished I could know what he was thinking, what he was feeling right now. My voice lowered still more as I said, "I want to have you here, not just because you want to support me and not let me deal with all of...this...alone, or to help me adjust. I want to have you here, to share my life with you, as my partner."

He squeezed my hand lightly as he leaned over and kissed my forehead, his lips lingering a moment before he spoke. "Let's sit down."

With that, he led me to the couch, and we sat down much like we did the other night: he with a leg stretched along the couch and me with my back to his chest and his arms wrapped securely around me. He rested his chin on my shoulder, occasionally placing soft kisses on my neck, cheek, or temple. He murmured softly, "My lease is up next month. Did you know that?"

I shook my head, not sure where he was going.

"You know I've been saving up to buy a home."

I nodded. I knew that owning his own home was a dream of his. He'd always talked about it, saying he'd buy a nice house when the time was right for him, when he was ready to settle down. I turned to look at him questioningly, wondering if he was trying to say what I thought he was saying. He let out a slow breath before continuing.

"I know this is crazy soon, but I know what I want, Edward. I'm done. I'm done living life without you in it. I've tried before, so have you. Now that I know you want me too, I don't want to go back to that. Ever. I want to build a life with you. But I want to start fresh, with a place of our own. _Our _home, not yours or mine. Ours."

He paused to look at me, gauging my reaction. I blinked, absorbing everything he said. I had hoped he would want to move in with me, live with me on a permanent basis. I had not expected him to go one step further and suggest we buy a house together. Not this soon, anyway, and not knowing what was coming. But as I thought about it, the idea of sharing a home with him, one we'd both picked out and worked on, would not be shaken.

He grinned softly as he added the one thing that he must know would sway me, had I needed convincing. "Besides, if we get a place of our own, you could get your baby grand back. I know you miss playing it."

He was right. I had a small upright in my apartment, but it just wasn't the same as the baby grand my mother had left me. Right now, it was at Carlisle's and Esme's house, since there simply was no room for it here. They didn't mind keeping the piano, as they knew how much it meant to me and that the idea of either selling it or even just putting it into storage was too hard...I'd never been able to do it.

But to be able to play it every day again, whenever I wanted, to be able to play with Jasper in our home. I laced my fingers in his hair as I pulled him to me, kissing him deeply. After a few minutes, I pulled away, my fingers lightly scratching his scalp, which had him close his eyes briefly and hum. When he opened his eyes again, I gave him a half-smile.

"I love the idea of us doing that, Jazz. But are you really sure? Especially now?"

His brow knitted together as he placed his hand on my cheek, his thumb caressing it lightly. "_Especially _now, Edward."

Placing my own hand over his, I turned my head just enough to press my lips to his palm before moving his hand to rest over my heart. I gazed in his eyes, very aware of his presence as I again considered the possibility of us buying a place together. Jasper was my past, had been a part of me for so long in every way but one. Now, he was that, too. He was here, in the present and wanting a future, with me.

At my nod, Jasper's face lit up with a brilliant smile, and after a quick kiss, he began talking about the things he would like in a house, asking me what I wanted. He had me move so he could take notes. I sat back and watched, amused at his enthusiasm for the task and loving that he wanted this as much as I did. We'd quickly agreed to ask Esme and Alice for help once we'd found a place, both of us realizing that it was very likely that I wouldn't be up to doing much by then. Jasper also insisted that we include our friends, knowing they'd want to help however they could.

When I pointed out that Rosalie was a realtor, Jasper put down the pen and pad, looking at me. His demeanor changed as he was suddenly serious. I tilted my head slightly, confused at the sudden change when he took my hand in his. "When do you want to tell them?"

I blinked, trying to catch up to his train of thought. Once I realized he was referring to telling our friends, all I could manage was a soft, "Oh..." I frowned, lowering my eyes to our hands as I entwined our fingers. I thought about our friends, knowing they would support me in any way I might need. I sighed as I ran my free hand through my hair. I knew that in the months to come, they'd be there, but I wanted to have some time with them now, while I was still relatively healthy.

"Jasper...are you up for a weekend in the mountains?"

It was his turn to look confused, and I felt a small smile tug at my lips as I explained that I wanted to go to the lodge my parents had left me. We all used to go every couple of months, just to have some quality time together as friends. Over the years, the time in between trips had lengthened, and the last time had been a little over a year ago.

After Emmett and Rosalie had gotten married a few years ago, they'd not come along as often, and Bella had been busy with nursing school. Now that she and Jake had finally gotten together, they spent most of their time just hanging out as a couple. Alice I saw regularly, of course, as well as Jasper. But as a whole, we'd drifted apart more than I cared to admit. Though whenever anyone was in need, we all rallied in an instant. It had always been that way, and always would be.

I wanted all of us to get together again, away from everything. And in truth, I didn't want to have to tell everyone the same story again and again. This was hard enough to deal with, without adding the stress of repeating the news. I looked at Jasper to see how he felt about the idea, but he just nodded, saying he understood. I smiled softly at him, my thumb running along his index finger as we continued to hold hands.

We agreed that we'd tell them everything over the weekend, the good and the bad - though hands down, the thing I looked forward to telling them the most was about Jasper and I being together. Provided, of course, that they would all be able to make it. Jasper and I both got our phones out; he called Emmett and Rosalie, while I called first Alice and then Bella. Alice was excited at the idea of all of us getting together and immediately said she'd come, assuring me she'd bring her cameras. I smiled at the reminder of getting our pictures taken.

Bella was happy to hear from me, though instantly worried something was up when I asked if she and Jake could make it out for the weekend. She said she'd try and clear her schedule so she could drive up on Friday, but otherwise would be there on Saturday. She wasn't sure if Jake was working or not but said that if he had the time off, he'd surely be there as well. With a final assurance that I'd fill her in on everything once we all were together, she finally hung up. She knew something was up, and I was sorry to worry her, especially knowing the news I'd be giving, but there was little I could do about that now.

I glanced over at Jasper, who was still on the phone with Emmett. He grinned at me and rolled his eyes, so I sat back and waited for him to be done. Once he hung up, he chuckled and shook his head. "It sounds like they've got some news to share as well. I can guess what it is, if Emmett's enthusiasm is any indication. He was thrilled at the idea of getting together this weekend; he said that he and Rosie would be there with bells on. Not entirely sure if he meant Bella with that, or not - you know how he can be."

I chuckled as I thought back to some of the escapades he used to get into back in high school. "Yeah, I really do."

He had, at one point, carried Bella over his shoulder - fireman's style - while she was kicking and screaming for him to let her go. She hadn't wanted to go to an informal dance, and Emmett had felt it his duty to make sure she didn't miss out on the experience, so he had kidnapped her - with Charlie's permission - and taken her anyway. In the end, we'd all had a lot of fun, but it took her a week or two before she'd truly forgiven him for doing that to her.

I made a quick call to the caretaker of the lodge, letting him know we'd be visiting soon so he would have time to air the place out and make sure there was plenty of firewood for us. That done, Jasper and I spent time just enjoying each other's company as we reminisced about our friends and discussed what we wanted in a house. We realized that this weekend would be the perfect opportunity to ask Rosalie to help us find a place as well.

All told, I felt good. I would be spending time with my closest friends, I had Jasper, and we were planning a future together. Right at that moment in time, life was good.

* * *

**A/N **oops, knew I'd forgotten something! My bad!

The lemon was brought to you by my lovely beta SorceressCirce. Be sure to leave her some love, because boy howdy did she make sure the boys got some ^_~


End file.
